توضیحات
دوره فشرده 3 ماهه آنلاین آیلتس آذرماه 1403
🔴 تا 85% تخفیف موقت! کلاس آنلاین فشرده آیلتس آذرماه 1403 روزهای شنبه و 3 شنبه ساعت 8 تا 9.30 شب. (با قوی ترین پشتیبانی) بهترین گزینه برای زبان آموزان سختکوش و هدفمند با هدف ارتقاء نمره در بازه زمانی کوتاه
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✍️ این دوره از سطح نمره 5.5 تا 6 آیلتس شروع میشه و شما رو تا سطح 6.5 تا 7.5 آیلتس میرسونه. اگر به تازگی در دوره یا آزمونی شرکت نداشتید با لینک تعیین سطح میتونید سطح رو مشخص کنید و نتیجه رو برای پشتیبانی بفرستید.
✅ کلاس آنلاین ویدیویی در اسکایپ هست و هر 4 مهارت آیلتس (رایتینگ، اسپیکینگ، ریدینگ و لیسنینگ) لغت و گرامر رو شامل میشه.
✅ تمامی تکالیف در تلگرام و برخی همین صفحه از سایت در تایم خارج از کلاس تصحیح میشه. (دیدن نمونه دوره های قبل)
✅ پشتیانی طلایی! حرفه ای ترین پشتیبانی رو در تلگرام و در ارتباط مستقیم و پیوسته با استاد دارید (بشنوید!):
✅ منابع این دوره گلچینی از معتبرترین و جدیدترین کتاب های انتشارات کمبریج و نکات و جزوه های تکمیلی اگزمینر های مطرح آیلتس در سطح جهانی (بشنوید!):
✅ این کلاس گروهی هست و حداکثر ظرفیت 15 نفر رو داره. البته معمولا ثبت نام کمتر از این مقدار هست.
✅ تمامی آموزش های پایه به صورت رکورد شده در دسترس است.
📝 دست کم 12 تصحیح کامل رایتینگ کاملا منطبق با فرمت رایتینگهای آیلتس و فیدبک بر روی صد فایل صوتی ارسالی بخش اسپیکینگ وجود داره.
🎯 برنامه ریزی شفاف و حرفه ای. اصول تمامی 4 مهارت آیلتس و صفر تا صد نکتهها به صورت دقیق در همین دوره کاور میشه (بشنوید!).
📆 دوره به مدت 3 ماه در 24 جلسه 1.5 ساعته ادامه داره.
👨🏻🏫 مدرس این دوره مهندس ابوالقاسمی با نمره 8 آیلتس آکادمیک و بیش از 15 هزار ساعت تجربه تدریس هستند. (بررسی رزومه و مدارک) (نمونه تدریس)
🚀 #آغاز این دوره روز شنبه 3 آذرماه 1403 هست.
👈 توضیح بیشتر (در یوتیوب)
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😍😍😍 تنها یک میلیون تومان برای 5 ثبت نام اول
😍😍 2 میلیون تومان برای 5 ثبت نام دوم
😍 3 میلیون تومان تا تکمیل ظرفیت
❤️ در تمامی حالت ها، شما 100% خدمات رو دریافت میکنید و کوچکترین تفاوتی وجود نداره. بنابراین یک پیشنهاد خیلی خوب هست برای دوستانی که مشکل مالی برای پرداخت شهریه های آیلتس رو دارند. فقط لطفا به موقع استفاده بفرمایید چون ظرفیت ها مشخص و محدود هست.
از لحظه ثبت نام میتونید تمرین با منابع رو آغاز بفرمایید 🥰✌️
👈 تعیین سطح رایگان با این لینک و ارسال نتیجه با اسکرین شات به پشتیبانی در تلگرام
لطفا برای ثبت نام فعلا از سایت اقدام نفرمایید. با توجه به اینکه درگاه بانکی هنور فعال نشده است. لطفا در تلگرام با این شماره هماهنگ بفرمایید:
09107751201
The provided charts illustrate three kinds of nutrient, namely sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar, which should be consumed less in typical meals, because excessive intake can pose health risks. The data is presented in percentages. (36, words)
Overall, it can be seen clearly that the most amount of nutrients is consumed in dinner meal, of which the sodium and saturated fat have the most portion. Conversely, the least amount of consumption of them relates to breakfast meals. Also, the most added sugar is consumed in snack meals. (50, words)
People consume a high rate of sodium and saturated fat in dinner and lunch meals; the average amounts of them in dinner are 43 and 37 percent, and in lunch meal are 29% and 26%, respectively. Also, the amount of added sugar in these meals is less, and amounts are 19% for lunch and 23% for dinner. (57, words)
The highest rate of added sugar is consumed in snack meal; the figure is 42 percent, and then the saturated fat with 21 percent is consumed. Likewise, the rates of saturated fat and added sugar are similar, at 16 percent in breakfast meal. However, the amount of sodium for two meals, namely breakfast and snacks is the same, at 14 percent. (61, words)
(204, words)
most amount چنین ساختاری نداریم. در کلاس هم اشاره شد. least amount این مورد هم مشابه هست.
پاراگراف جمع بندی شما با اینکه چند بار تاکید کردیم فقط بیشترین و کمترین رو نگید باز هم دقیقا به همین شکل نوشته شده.
lunch meals کلمه meal اضافه هست. ترکیب هایی که مینویسید رو چک کنید حتما.
بقیه موارد قابل قبول هست و مشکل خاصی دیده نمیشه.
The given pie charts demonstrate the percentages of three unhealthy nutrients (sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar) that are consumed throughout four major meals in the USA. (29 words)
Overall, breakfast contains the lowest proportion of these nutrients, whereas dinner and snacks account for the highest percentages. (18 words)
As shown, sodium intake is highest at dinner (43%), followed by lunch (29%), while breakfast and snacks share an equal proportion (14%). In terms of saturated fat, dinner again has the highest percentage (37%), which is about one and a half times that of lunch (26%). Meanwhile, breakfast (16%) and snacks (21%) together make up the same proportion as dinner. Regarding added sugar, snacks contribute the highest percentage (42%), which is exactly equal to the combined intake from lunch (19%) and dinner (23%) and is almost two and half times the amount consumed at breakfast (16%). (96 words)
Additionally, dinner has the highest intake of sodium and saturated fat at 43% and 37%, respectively. However, snacks lead in added sugar consumption (42%), which is twice the proportion of saturated fat (21%). Notably, breakfast has identical proportions of saturated fat and added sugar (16%). Furthermore, the combined sodium intake from breakfast and lunch (43%) is nearly the same as the proportion of saturated fat at dinner (42%). (68 words)
Total: 211 words
درود و سپاس. برای دریاف فیدبک رایتینگ به طور کامل لطفا تکالیف رو ارسال بفرمایید. در غیر اینصورت به طور کلی میتونیم چک کنیم و مشکل بزرگی اگر داره مشخص بشه.
The pie charts illustrate how much sodium, fat, and sugar are consumed at meals in the USA. The proportions are given in percentages. However, excessive consumption of these nutrients can be harmful to health. (32W)
Overall, dinner has the highest proportion of all three nutrients. Although lunch takes all minerals in almost a similar amount, it ranks second in nutrient consumption. It seems breakfast contains the same moderate share of nutrients in a healthy way. (39W)
Sodium and saturated fat are distributed similarly across meals. Dinner contains the highest proportions of sodium and saturated fat, at 43% and 37%, respectively, with only a 6% difference between them. Lunch follows, with sodium and saturated fat contributing 29% and 26%, respectively—a difference of only 3%. Also, snacks (21%) and breakfast (16%) have lower percentages of fat, with a 7% and 2% difference compared to sodium, respectively.(69W)
Added sugar consumption is nearly the same for breakfast (16%) and lunch (19%). Dinner accounts for slightly less than a quarter of total added sugar intake (23%). But, Snacks contribute the most, accounting for 42% of total added sugar consumption making them the most concerning meal in terms of sugar intake. Dinner follows as the second unhealthiest meal due to its high levels of sodium and saturated fat. On the other hand, Breakfast contributes an average of 15% of each nutrient, making it the healthiest meal. (70W)
(Total 210W)
سلام. تکالیف 2 جلسه ارسال شد بفرمایید که رایتینگ چک بشه.
The pie chart below illustrates the average percentage of usual meals in three items of nutrients_sodium, saturated fats and added sugar _which can be considered unhealthy if overeat and consume excess.(30words)
Overall, the chart displays that dinner and snacks contribute the most percentage of nutrients . while breakfast shows the least amounts of nutrients and lunch contains moderate level of three nutrients .
( 30words)
Dinner with 43% of sodium and 37%of saturated fats and snack with 42% of added sugar have the most percentage of consumed nutrients .it is also seen that added suger is in double amount of saturated fats in snack meals
(42 words)
In addition, breakfast and lunch show lower amounts of nutrients .there are almost the same amount of these three nutrients in breakfast that indicates the least percentage :sodium 14%, saturated fats 16%and added sugar 16%.and lunch have moderate level of nutrients.consisit of sodium 29%, saturated fats 26% and added sugar 23%.
(48words)
چند بار گفتیم که پاراگراف جمع بندی نباید بیشتری و کمترین باشه فقط. ضمنا نمیتونی به 3 گروه اشاره کنی. باید حالت جمع بندی داشته باشه تا اشاره به تک تک موارد
ضمنا مواردی که بعنوان main features در پاراگراف جمع بندی نوشته شده در پاراگراف های اصلی اول بسط و توضیح داده نشده و فقط بازنویسی کردی.
most percentage چنین ترکیبی نداریم اصلا
به سمپل نگاه کن و اگر تونستی بازنویسی کن کل رایتینگ رو.
تعداد کل لغات هم اصلا نوشته نشده. تنها چیزی که از اعداد لازم بود همون بود.
ممنون از راهنماییتون
اعداد و درصدهای داخل چارت رو نباید داخل main features مینوشتم؟
معمولا این طور هست بله. سمپل رو ببینید.
With the advancement of technology, it is likely that in the future, people will use bank cards and smartphones to pay for purchases from the store. This can help more people’s financial security. But a group of people is not happy because of the inability to work with mobile phones and bank cards. (53, words)
More safety is an important advantage of non-cash payments because people do not need to carry cash, as a result reducing the risk of theft and loss in crowded places such as public transportation. It also offers increased high financial stability for sellers as, they do not have to worry about handling large amount of cash. For example, in my city in the past years, when all purchases were made in cash, it was seen that a seller of home appliances was attacked by thieves while closing his shop and lost a large amount of his property. This does not happen if payments are made with bank cards or smartphones. (108, words)
On the other hand, many people in society are not comfortable using bank cards and smartphones to pay for expenses. This is often due to a lack of familiarity with these technologies and the potential for making mistakes or becoming confused. As a result, they tend to prefer cash payment methods. For instance, elderly people find it difficult to work with mobile phones or even bank cards and need help from people. Also, they may be targeted by profiteers, and a lot of money is taken from their card, and they suffer financial losses. As a result, they are much more comfortable with cash payments and prefer this method. (109, words)
The advancement of technology has greatly facilitated many aspects of our lives. In today, we have the option of using both cash and bank card payments. However, the non- cash payment method through smartphones and bank cards is considered much safer. Despite this, many elderly individuals are apprehensive about the possibility of all payment methods becoming non- cash in the future. This is due to their lack of familiarity and ability with these methods. (73, words)
در این مرحله باید توجه بیشتری داشته باشی که تمام ساختارهایی که مینویسی باید حتما منبع مشخص داشته باشه: a group of people is not happy این اگر حتی درست باشه اصلا رایج نیست و نمره خوبی نمیتونه بگیره
to carry cash, as a result reducing the risk آغاز و پایان جمله ها اصلا مشخص نیست. از نظر دستوری کاملا غلط هست. شما متن رو میتونی بدی به چت جی پی تی و بگی خطاهای گرامری و جمله سازی رو فهرست کنه و ساختارهای درست رو بنویسه. اینکه هم بدون منبع باشه و هم اونجا چک نکنی نتیجه میشه یک متن پر از اشتباه که نمره ای بالاتر از 5.5 نمیتونه بگیره.
دلیلی که آوردی باید 50 کلمه توضیح داده بشه: reducing the risk of theft and loss in crowded places such as public transportation. اما شما بدون توضیح رفتی توی مورد بعدی: It also offers increased high financial stability که خود اون هم بدون کوچکترین توضیح هست و بعد مثال رو شروع کردی.
این روش اصلا با چیزی که گفتیم هماهنگی نداره و نمره نمیتونه بگیره. فایل صوتی جلسه اول رو چک کن یا آموزش نوشتن پاراگراف ها رو نگاه کن. بعد هم ساختارهای آکادمیک رو هم بررسی کن هم ساده بنویس.
این رایتینگ باید بازنویسی بشه. بجای عجله برای تموم کردن و فرستادن روی کیفیت تمرکز کن.
رایتینگ با فرمت تدریس شده نوشته نشده. در پاراگراف اول بجای توضیح کامل دلیل اول، دلیل دوم وارد شده (It also offers increased high financial stability) و هیچکدام توضیح کامل ندارند.
as a result reducing the risk of theft and loss این جمله ناقص و بی معنی هست. گویا قبلا هم این مورد رو گفته بودم اما دوباره وارد کردید.
در مجموع ایراد بزرگ دیگه ای بجز این موارد نداره.
In the future, many people may unable to pay in cash while shopping, because all transactions may pay by credit cards .I think paying by credit cards offer more convenient ,but some people may would like some old-fashioned ways for payment in shops .(۴۳words)
In my opinion, using credit cards in shopping is significantly more convenient. a single card eliminate the needs of carrying a great deal of paper money for shopping so by avoiding the need to count paper money transaction become dramatically quicker and convenient.for example, in my country when customers purchase, cashier request them a credit card to carry out payment process ,without the need to count paper money individuals do not have to pay in cash and changes or give the extra money back so the process of payment for their purchases become more and more easier and quicker.(95words)
On the other hand, some elderly people may be still more enthusiastic of traditional payment methods and feel a sense of nostalgia.they often prefer carrying money in its physical shape when shopping.they may set aside papper money whenever they go for shopping.for in stance, I have observed some elderly people who are reluctent to learn how they can use credit cards rather than using paper money so when they want to pay money in cashier, they take out a great deal of paper money from their pockets in stead of using just single card.(98 words)
To conclude, in the future it is likely that all payment methods will alter to modern ways such as credit cards which may provide more convenient , although some older people are interested in old methods .
(33 words)
paying by credit cards offer دقت کن بین اجزای جمله هماهنگی وجود نداره.
enthusiastic of حرف اضافه ها رو دقت کن
papper اسپلینگ ها رو قبل از ارسال چک کن
در کل از نظر فرمت، درست بودن جمله ها و مشخص بودن دلایل و توضیحاتی که در ادامه اومده کار به خوبی انجام شده. آفرین
purchase methods will change in the future, and people may use alternative ways like cards or smartphones in the marketplace. As the banking system technology is enhanced, shops will have to adapt to the new system. Some may be unhappy with this because they don’t want to be more engaged with electronic devices that threaten their health. (57W)
As banking systems transition to more advanced electronic methods, shops will need to update their payment systems accordingly to avoid some problems. Because, probably, Cash may no longer be compatible with these new systems, they use barcodes, safety codes, and electronic signs and do all things just by tapping a couple of buttons. For example, in my country, many banks don’t accept cash because their system doesn’t work with it even for opening a personal account, moreover, shops as commercial units have their specific bank rules that they should do by smart bank systems. (94W)
Some people are dissatisfied with new payment systems. They believe utilizing electronic devices for daily shopping could pose health risks because they are used more than now. Their view is that using cash may be safer since it can be sanitized simply by washing hands. But, many technologies, including smartphones, emit signals. For example, the electromagnetic fields emitted by smartphones, especially when kept close to the body, have the potential to affect internal body parts such as the heart, muscles, and nervous system. Over time, these emissions may lead to health problems, such as headaches or disrupted sleep patterns. (99W)
In conclusion, we face new payment methods in the future and cash will not be useful anymore, all purchases may need to be made by cards and smartphones. The development of electronic banking systems pushes people to buy their goods in these advanced planned ways. It is obvious that many individuals are unwilling to stop using cash due to potential health risks associated with smartphones and electronic cards. (68W)
purchase methods will change in the future, نباید به صورت فکت نوشته بشه. سوال رو دقت کنید داره میپرسه ممکنه به نظر شما یا نه؟
shops will need to update their payment systems accordingly to avoid some problems ربطی به سوال مطرح شده نداره و در کل پاراگراف هم اشاره ای به سوال نشده
Some people are dissatisfied این هم یک پرسش درباره آینده هست نباید به صورت فکت نوشته بشه
pose health risks because they are used more than now. اصلا مشخص نیست منظور شما چی هست و مورد pose health risks هم مورد خوبی نیست اصلا چون هیچ خطر واقعی و گزارش شده ای وجود نداره در حال حاضر.
پاراگراف نتیجه گیری بسیار طولانی تر از چیزی که باید نوشته شده و پاراگراف های اصلی که باید طولانی تر با توضیحات بیشتر باشند بیش از حد کوتاه هستند.
روی ایده پردازی هم باید بیشتر کار کنید.
The presented bar graph depicts the total amount of minutes of telephone calls in three groups namely local, national and international, and mobiles in the United Kingdom in a 7-year of period, between 1995 and 2002. The figures are provided in billions. (42,words)
Overall, it can be clearly seen that, during this period, national/international and mobiles experienced the growth. Also, the local calls have fluctuated, although initially grew, they returned to their original amount by 2002. ( 34, words)
Local calls increased roughly from 72 billion in 1995 until they reached to a peak of 90 billion in 1999. After that, they decreased steadily to reach the primary amount of 72 billion in 2002. In general, over the period, local calls had the most popular among people in the UK. (51, words)
Mobile calls had substantial changes, they started at nearly 4 billion in 1995 and increased dramatically to 45 billion in 2002. On the other hand, national and international calls rose steadily. In 1995, they were approximately 38 billion, and they reached 61 billion in 2002. (45,words)
(172,words)
برای بررسی این رایتینگ تکالیف رو حتما ارسال بفرمایید و اطلاع بدید.
تمرینات انجام شده ارسال شد
فرمت کلی خوب هست اما باید با ساختارهای اشتباهی که بدون چک شدن در رایتینگ وارد کردید بیشتر دقت کنید.
amount of minutes یا 7-year of period و امثال این ها نشون میده چک نمیکنید. باید خیلی دقت به جزئیات داشته باشید در این مرحله و بدون تحقیق چیزی رو وارد نکنید.
میتونید برای مشخص تر شدن این مدل خطاها از هوش مصنوعی هم به خوبی استفاده کنید.
بزرگترین مشکل این رایتینگ خطاهای گرامری هست بقیه موارد خوب نوشته شده.
The bar chart below illustrates spent time on three categories of telephone conversations in billion minutes (BM) figured from 1992 to 2002 in the UK.
In sum, all call types experienced some changes. local – fixed line shows the highest level at all times, while it has had a considerable decrease in the last few years. National and international fixed-line and mobile calls increased dramatically. Besides, they diminished the differences between each other and the local fixed call.
Local – fixed line rose from around 70 BM in 1990 to the peak of just 90 BM in 1999. For the last few years, it slightly declined to approximately 71 BM which was near to the first year in the chart. However local line remained the highest type of call in the given period.
Mobile and National and international fixed lines started their upward trends from near 3BM and just under 40BM in 1990, respectively. Mobile calls grew significantly and reached the top point in 2002 by just 45BM. National calls experienced a gradual growth up to 2002, it changed to around 61BM calls as the peak point.
185W
they diminished the differences این ساختار بی معنی هست چون نمودارها کننده کار نیستند.
it slightly declined این گزارش درست نیست چون همون اندازه افزایش کاهش داشته اما در توضیحات کاهش مختصر نوشته شده که غلط هست و یک تصویر غلط میده انگار 10% بوده فقط
بقیه موارد خیلی خوب هست و باید از این به بعد روی تایم هم کار کنی.
The chart below indicates the whole numbers of minutes (billions) of telephone calls in the Uk classified in three groups between 1995 and 2002. (23words)
Overall, all categories have changed during these specific times in the chart. national and international -fixed line along with mobile (all calls) have increased duration these times .on the other hand, local-fixed line have rised between 1995 and 1999, then it has experienced a decrease from 2000 to 2002. (48words)
Local-fixed line has the most significant number between other categories.the peak of chart which is related to this type, is 90 minutes(billions)in 1999. there is also a gradual increase from about 72 to 89 minutes (billions)in the years between 1995 and 1998 and then almost same decrease from about 86 to 73 minutes (billions) between 2000 and 2002. (52 words)
It can be seen an upward trand in two other call types. national and international -fixed line from almost 38 in1995 which reached gradually about 61 minutes(billions)in 2002 . additionally,in mobiles (all calls) the changes are the greatest between other categories.it is seen that in 1995 there is the lowest numbers near to 3 minutes and the most number in these type( mobiles call) is nearly 46minutes in 2002. (68 words)
rised?????????????????????
همون داستان اسپیکینگ اینجا هم تکرار کردی؟ بدون چک کردن وارد نکن. فایده ای نداره اینطوری کار کردن.
بقیه موارد خیلی خوب هست و بجز چند مورد جزئی خطای دستوری که برای این سطح قابل قبول هست بقیه موارد هیچ مشکلی ندارند.
It is undeniable that having many advancements in agriculture hasn’t been sufficient to prevent starvation in all countries, since the global population has grown dramatically. Thus, it is imperative for governments to adopt new agricultural methods and allocate funds to produce a sufficient amount of food. (46 words)
The global population has increased at an unparalleled rate in recent decades, leading to detrimental impacts, especially for developing countries, in providing adequate food for everyone. This is due to a shortage of farming land and a lack of modern technology in these countries. Therefore, it remains a significant challenge for some nations to meet the demand for nutrition. Despite many efforts to control population growth in some countries, high population density in certain regions exacerbates the issue. For example, in Iran, many people prefer to live in large cities like Tehran, where offer more job opportunities and amenities, rather than in suburban areas. This urban migration has led to increased demand for food and resources in urban centers. (119 words)
To address the increasing need for nutrition, the use of new methods in agriculture, such as genetically modified crops and automated machines, can significantly increase crop yields and optimize resource use. Therefore, governments should support these innovations by investing in research, providing training for farmers, and offering financial incentives to encourage the usage of these effective methods. For instance, the UAE has implemented new farming methods, such as using air moisture to provide the necessary water for plants, and has dedicated substantial investments to improve farming efficiency through modern techniques. (90 words)
To conclude, the dramatic growth in the world’s population has led to several issues, particularly in developing countries, such as hunger. Nonetheless, adopting new farming methods could expand food production rates and improve resource efficiency. (35 words)
This is due to a shortage of farming land and a lack of modern technology این مورد اشتباه هست. باید بحث جمعیت که مطرح کردید رو ادامه بدید.
. For example, in Iran, many people prefer to live in large cities like مثال با دلیلی که آوردید هماهنگی نداره.
such as genetically modified crops and automated machines, فقط یک مورد باید اشاره بشه بعنوان راه حل و بدون مثال. همون مورد باید مشخص و کامل توضیح داده بشه.
can significantly increase crop yields and optimize resource use. هیچ توضیحی وجود نداره که چطور ممکن هست چنین چیزی. به صورت تئوری و بدون توضیح نوشته شده.
❌ همراه با رایتینگ برای جلسات بعدی تمام تکالیف رو در تلگرام ارسال بفرمایید.
While agricultural systems are being developed around the world, there are more people who cannot access enough quality food. The main reason for this deficiency seems to be the lack of proper land in some parts of the world, and a practical solution could be government regulation of farming in certain areas. (52W)
One important reason for the global hunger issue is the deficiency of appropriate land for farming. Lack of nutrition and quality soil in most parts of the world causes a decrease in accessibility to optimal levels of agricultural production. It seems that a higher level of knowledge and understanding of basic science is needed for people all over the world to identify deficits and solutions regarding their local land. For example, in the center of my country, the soil is very rigid and not suitable for growing seeds like rice or grains. As a result, there is a shortage of basic dietary supplements for the population. (106W)
Clearly, the best way to solve this problem depends on government intervention. The government needs to allocate appropriate funding to address global hunger issues. It would be better for long-term production purposes if the government identified underutilized lands and found ways to cultivate staple crops such as grains or rice. Although this approach may take years but it reduces hunger rates over time and can lead to sustainable solutions. In my country, the government has invested in some lands in Semnan to explore ways to utilize them for farming, and after several years, these lands have become viable for agricultural production. Now, the people in that city and neighboring areas have easy access to rice, wheat, and staple fruits. (119W)
In conclusion, while it seems that a lack of suitable land for farming can lead to increased hunger worldwide, the government can find ways to improve soil quality to grow crops and address hunger issues. (35W)
deficiency of appropriate land چنین ترکیبی نداریم باید حتما ساختارها رو چک کنید.
It seems that a higher level of knowledge and understanding of basic science is needed اصلا نباید راجع به راه حل صحبت کنید. الگو رو ببینید. در اینجا فقط باید دلیلی که آوردید رو بسط بدید.
مثالی که در پاراگراف اول نوشته شده توضیح مشخصی ندارد و فقط به صورت دلیل و نتیجه نوشته شده. این سبک نوشتن برای خوانند قابل قبول نیست.
it reduces hunger rates over time and can lead to sustainable solutions. دلیلی که در پاراگراف دوم آوردید اصلا بسط و توضیح داده نشده. چطور این اقدام دولت به این نتیجه منتهی میشود؟
فرمت کلی رایتینگ خوب هست اما تمامی موارد اشاره شده باید برطرف شود.
The majority of people on a global scale suffer from starvation while modern technologies are used in agriculture. Many reasons are involved in this issue, but in my opinion these days the rate of population increase is too high which can lead to hunger. In this case, governments can take action. (51W)
Overcrowding in societies increases the demand for food. At first sight, it seems normal progress, but it is crucial to consider if our resources can respond to it in the future. The food resources worldwide are limited, so if population growth goes out of control, many people, especially those in developing countries undoubtedly, will face starvation as a serious disaster. For example, in my country suburbs have a concentrated population with an enormous rate of birthdate, besides, lack of food resources should be provided from other areas which have their challenges. Demographics demonstrate most people there have committed suicide, specifically children and it increases the strains. (106W)
States should make attempts to control the increasing population rate. To fulfill this aim, they should inform people about the advantages of sustainable population growth. They can make it clear to society how it is possible to mitigate various issues like hunger and increase the quality of life by reducing the population. As a good example, overpopulation in my country was stopped simply. By government suggestion, over some product packages have written “the fewer children, the better life”. The fact was that people were taught about it and it affected them so it turned to public knowledge and finally, they could overcome the increasing population. (105W)
In conclusion, agricultural methods have changed to update technologies but overpopulation growth causes a huge number of hungry people around the world, because there are not enough resources for food to support an unlimited number of individuals. However, the government can alleviate this problem by advertising the goodness of a stabilized population. (52W)
reasons are involved in this issue, این فارسیه. حتما چک کنید با منبع باشه
resources can respond این مورد هم به همین شکل. از خودتون نباید بنویسید
Demographics demonstrate اجازه اشاره به آمار و ارقام نداریم و این 100% غلط هست. فقط توضیح منطقی. ضمنا خودکشی بحث ما نیست. آدم مرفه هم ممکنه خودکشی کنه
overpopulation in my country was stopped ساختار مچهول در اینجا نادرست است. حتما چک کنید و برای ساختارها الگو داشته باشید.
it turned to public knowledge ترجمه فارسی هست.
بزرگترین مشکل در این رایتینگ ساختارهای غلط و چک نشده هستند. فرمت و توضیحات قابل قبول هستند در این مرحله.
Despite the fact that developed agriculture has grown around the world, many people in various parts of our planet still suffer from hunger. one of these problems come from shortage of natural resources that governments need to manage in order to reduce and control it.
(45words)
One of the most significant issues related to starvation is the reduction in natural resources, such as water and fertile lands which occurs due to decreased rainfall .when we do not have enough water and high _quality soil, we are unable to provide agricultural products adequately so some people not having sufficient food..this problem leads to struggles with hunger.for example, in central areas of my country there are some regions with warm and dry climates where the amounts of natural resources ,especially water and fertile soil, are insufficient .cosequently, crop production is less productive and more limited.
(100words)
Governments play a significant role in reducing concerns related to food issues.they must manage natural resources to prevent shortage of agricultural crops that lead to hunger .they should organize some activities such as planting trees that are more resistant to this climate . additionally, they should allocate funds to encourage farmers to use advanced agricultural techniques .for instance, some parts of my country struggle with drought and have warm , dry climate . the government in these regions must transfer water from areas where natural resources are abundant.furthermore , they should help farmers by encouraging them to use some advanced agricultural facilities such as drip irrigation and to plant some trees that require less water ,such as date palms, to reduce water consumption and control
excessive wastage. (115 words)
To conclude, starvation is one of the most serious issues facing the world.if governments make a contribution to managing natural resources effectively, agricultural production will increase, and the shortage of resources that lead to hunger can be controlled. (37words)
so some people not having چنین ساختاری نداریم. برای منفی کردن باید don’t استفاده کنی.
we are لحن رسمی باید استفاده کنی مثلا مجهول یا people بجای we
additionally, they should allocate funds to encourage farmers مورد جدید نیار. مورد قبلی رو بگو چطوری باعث تغییری که گفتی میشه. بازش کن و قانع کن مخاطب رو
در کل دقت کن که دلایل رو خوب توضیح بدی و عجله نداشته باشی برای رفتن به یک ادعای جدید.
مثال ها رو عینی تر بنویس و یک ارتباط دقیق و مشخص با توضیحات ایجاد کن
بقیه موارد خوب هست و در کل رایتینگ خوبیه.
The provided maps illustrate the changes that had occurred on the island and had converted it from a natural place to the tourist-friendly island.(26, words)
From the maps, it can be seen that the island has undergone significant changes and can now welcome more tourists. The center and western part of the island have been the most developed with the construction of recreational places and resorts. Vegetation in the east and west part of the island has also remained unchanged. (55,words)
Two groups of accommodations have been built for tourists, one with nine rooms located nearly in the center of the island and the other with six rooms situated in the western part that have connected together and the beach by footpath route. Tourists can go to the beach and go swimming by passing the path.(55, words)
In addition, regarding renovating the island, between two accommodations, one restaurant and reception have been built, which link each other by vehicle track. Also, the sea of the island has been turned by building a pier for tourists canoes and their transportation, which is linked to the reception through a vehicle path.(52,words)
(188, words)
پاراگراف جمع بندی مشخص نیست. حتما باید با overall آغاز بشه.
changes that had occurred on چرا ماضی بعید استفاده شده؟ حال ساده درست و بدون مشکل هست.
بقیه موارد بدون مشکل هست و باید روی زمان بندی و سریع نوشتن در اینده تمرین کنید.
Two maps below display an island before and after development. the before map shows a few palm trees while the after map depicts significant changes, including buildings and other things prepared for tourism.
Construction on the island is obvious. Hotel rooms have been expanded both toward the center and toward the west. Accommodations have been connected by footpath moreover, a way has been created to walk to the west’s beach from places located to the west. The reception building has been added between hotel rooms and is accessible by vehicle track from the coast part to the south of the island and has been continued to the north where a restaurant has been constructed.
The coastal area around the island has been used to develop leisure facilities. A pier has been built to the western part of the island where sailboats have access to the resort. A beach to the west was the natural feature of the island which has been used for swimming.
Overall, the island’s features have been developed by expanding structures from the center to the west. Additionally, adding some facilities in the coastal area is noticeable. Although, the eastern features of the island remain as they were before it still has the potential to be a host for many tourists.
(214W)
بسیار خوب هست. تنها مورد اینکه باید تمرین کنی خلاصه تر بنویسی تا این تسک رو بتونی در 180 کلمه تموم کنی به خصوص موردی مثل این که نه عددی داره نه سال نه چیزی.
بنابراین حذف بسیاری از جزئیات یا بازگو کردن به شکل خلاصه صدمه ای به بیان کلیات مهم یا همون main feature ها و توضیحاتشون نمیزنه.
روی تایم و سریعتر نوشتن هم در آینده کار کن.
در کل بسیار خوب هست.
The two maps illustrate an Island before and after developing in some facilities which are attractive for tourists.I want to represent some of these changes and compare two maps in main features.
Overall,it can be seen some significant changes in the centre and also in the left area of map after development .on the other hand, the right side of map remained without any facilities.
One of the significant facilities for tourists is swimming area which is located in the left part of map close to the beach.another remarkable development is a pier in the south area of Island with some boats .and links between different parts of Islands with development in routs such as footpaths and vehicle tracks.
In addition, there are some building facilities in the left and centre area of Island such as a restaurant and receptionist which are surrounded by some accommodations for tourists.on the other hand , on the right part of Island there are not any facilities and this part of map stayed unchanged.
(165words)
مشکل بزرگی در این رایتینگ دیده نمیشه.
بقیه تکالیف رو هم به صورت کامل بفرستید و در کلاس هم به صورت فعال شرکت داشته باشید حتما.
The provided maps illustrate the changes that had occurred on the island and had converted it from a natural place to the tourist-friendly island.
From the maps, it can be seen that the island has undergone significant changes and can now welcome more tourists. The center and western part of the island has been the most developed with the construction of recreational places and resorts. Vegetation in the east and west part of it has also remained unchanged.
Two groups of accommodations have been built for tourists, one with nine rooms located nearly in the center of the island and the other with six rooms situated in the western part that have connected together and the beach by footpath route. Tourists can go to the beach and go swimming by passing this path.
In addition, regarding renovating the island, between two accommodations, one restaurant and reception have been built, that link each other by vehicle track. Also, the sea of the island has been turned by building a pier for tourists canoes and their transportation, which is linked to the reception through a vehicle path.
پاراگراف ها اصلا مشخص نیست. برای مشخص شدن پاراگراف ها تعداد کلمات رو آخر هر پاراگراف بنویسید در پرانتز
تعداد کل کلمات هم باید حتما نوشته بشه در تسک 1
ویرایش کنید بفرستید.
The given maps depict the developments in Porth Harbour from 2000 to the present day.
Overall, the harbour has undergone significant changes, including an increase in the number of facilities and alterations to their locations to enhance the experience for tourists.
In 2000, the dock and the public beach were situated in the northwest of the harbour. Car parks, showers and toilets were located near the main road with fishing boats and private yachts positioned adjacent to these facilities. In the southeast corner, a disused castle was situated. The lifeboat was located in the middle of the harbour, and another public beach was positioned in the south.
Regarding the current state of the harbour, notable conversions have been made. As shown, an additional dock has been constructed, and the castle in the southeast has been replaced by a hotel. The southern public beach has been converted into a private beach for the hotel. The positions of the fishing boats and the marina have been swapped. Moreover, the number of showers and toilets has increased, while the car parks and lifeboat remain unchanged.
These modifications reflect the harbour’s transformation into a more tourist-friendly destination.
تاپیک رایتینگ این جلسه این سوال نبوده اما حالا که نوشتید مساله ای نیست.
رایتینگ بدون خطا هست. اگر برای تصحیح از هوش مصنوعی کمک گرفتید روی خطاهایی که داشتید با دقت زیاد تمرکز کنید و تمرین داشته باشید.
Recently, a large number of people believe that entrepreneurship could be a better choice than holding a corporate job. In my opinion, while there is substantial evidence supporting this belief, such as flexible schedules, there might be drawbacks, including less job security, for those who choose self-employment.(47 words)
From my point of view, people who take ownership of their careers definitely benefit from a work-life balance, which can be achieved through a flexible schedule. Self-employment creates an environment in which they can work at their own pace. It might provide individuals with a variety of opportunities to gain greater control over their working schedule. Moreover, in contrast to employees who are restricted by steady work hours, self-employed individuals have flexible working hours, allowing them more freedom to dedicate their time in the way that they desire. For instance, as a freelancer, I have more spare time to spend with my family as well as go on vacation without worrying about taking time off.(115 words)
I firmly believe that one of the foremost pitfalls of freelancing is lack of job security. Although individuals who work for themselves could be incredibly successful for a period of time and experience a great number of projects coming their way, they might face numerous issues due to the instability that is an integral part of this type of employment. For instance, in my country, in contrast to people who are employed by a firm, entrepreneurs are highly likely to fail in fostering their own business because of the numerous restrictions that the government imposes on self-employment, such as excessive taxation.(101 words)
In conclusion, while being employed by an organization offers some advantages, such as job security, many individuals prefer pursuing entrepreneurship due to its significant benefits, including work-life balance and flexible working hours. Ultimately, the choice between these types of employment depends entirely on people’s priorities and circumstances.(47 words)
مثال در هر پاراگراف باید 50 کلمه و به طور مشخص از کشور خود شما و با توضیح کاملا روشن باشه. اگر توضیح شما برای مثال حالت کلی داشته باشه و یک مثال ملموس نباشه با توضیح کلی تفاوتی نداره و مثال حساب نمیشه.
در مورد استفاده از لغات آکادمیک دقت کنید که معنی دقیقا بایدچیزی باشه که مد نظر هست و در زبان انگلیسی هم رایج هست. جایگزین کردن سینونیم ها اصلا روش درستی نیست و معمولا نمره شما رو کاهش میده. one of the foremost pitfalls of این عبارت برای مثال ساختار رایجی برای بیان چیزی که مد نظر هست نیست.
در آخر دقت کنید که بقیه تکالیف هم باید حتما ارسال بشه. روی یک مهارت تمرکز نکنید.
In recent times, numerous kinds of people prefer to have an independent job instead of working for any instution and having a boss. One major reason is that it allows people to have flexible work hours. But the most difficulty that a person who is self-employed experiences with it is financial instability.(52, words)
One of the primary reasons encouraging people to tend to have a self-employed job is that they can regulate and determine their times based on their needs and preferences. They do not force to go to the company at a certain time and do their works. A shining example in my country is that people who are computer experts, such as web designers and programmers, offer their services to customers on a contractual basis. Actually, they can receive projects and do them with a laptop at any hour of the day and deliver them to the customer, and they can have enough time for family, entertainment, and do personal activities.(118, words)
On the other hand, although being self-employed has many privilege, the disadvantages that individuals encounter with them are very momentous. One of the most significant challenges is financial instability. Unlike traditional employment, which provides a steady income, self-employment can result in fluctuating earnings that may be influenced by market demand, competition, and other external factors. The case in point in my country is that computer experts who have self-employed jobs, if they do not get projects in one or two months, will not have money for their lives. So, this unpredictability can lead to significant stress and anxiety. Particularly for those who are solely reliant on their self-employed income to meet their financial obligations.(114,words)
In conclusion, the development of technology allows people to easily have independent jobs, while there are challenges such as unstable incomes. So, in general, according to the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment, people should make a wise decision for their job opportunities. And being a success in their jobs.(49,words)
این عبارت بی معنی هست numerous kinds of people prefer چرا باید چنین چیزی اصلا نوشته بشه؟ بحث سوال این نیست. بازنویسی خود سوال رو باید داشته باشیم.
boss از عبارت های آکادمیک در آیلتس استفاده کنید.
work hours. عبارت ها رو قبل از نوشتن چک کنید یا در آخر با هوش مصنوعی تصحیح کنید و ساختارهای درست رو ببینید.
They do not force to این افراد کننده نیستند دریافت کننده تاثیر هستند پس ساختار مجهول نیاز هست.
many privilege اسم جمع در اینجا نیاز هست.
در کل رایتینگ مشکل بزرگی نداره اما عبارت ها رو با دقت بیشتری بنویسید و حتما قبل از ارسال رایتینگ چک نهایی کنید.
Many people prefer to be self-employed rather than work for others. Although there is more freedom in work and decision-making, which encourages people to be independent, income instability is an important criterion that leads them to work for others. (39W)
Many people prefer to be freelancers because of the greater autonomy at work. They can schedule their business plans according to their own lives and interests. Additionally, they make decisions based on their viewpoints regarding which days to take off, their work hours, and whether to work remotely or in-person. For instance, in our country, business owners decide which day of the week is a day off, some people prefer to take time off during Iran’s weekends, while others choose international days off for themselves. This freedom and autonomy in managing both minor and significant aspects of work can lead to increased job satisfaction. (104W)
On the other hand, income instability is a disadvantage of being self-employed. Fluctuations in earnings can create a sense of lack of control, leading to an inability to plan for work improvements and personal life aspects. Having a stable and predictable income is an important factor for planning both life and business futures. Consequently, all aspects of life can be affected by financial instability, which can have negative psychological effects on individuals. For example, in our country, many business owners cannot predict their income, making it difficult for them to make promises to their families. As a result, they may struggle to pay their bills or rent at times. (109W)
In conclusion, self-employment has both benefits and drawbacks for those who choose it. While freelancers may experience financial fluctuations that can cause difficulties, the freedom and autonomy associated with self-employment are valuable reasons to pursue this path. (37W)
is an important criterion این ترجمه فارسی هست. شما در دیکشنری چک کردی چنین چیزی رو انگلیسی زبان بگه
They can schedule their business plans according to their own lives and interests. Additionally, they make decisions based on their viewpoints regarding which days to take off, their work hours, and whether to work remotely or in-person. این دو مورد باید در ادامه هم باشن. شما توضیح رو به صورت یک فهرست نوشتید که انسجام متن رو کاهش میده. هر دو مثال هایی از دلایلی هستند که به دلیل اصلی (greater autonomy at work) ارتباط دارن اما به هم ارتباطی ندارند مستقیم. این سیک نمره رو کمی کاهش میده. شما یک خط مستقیم باید در توضیح داشته باشید و همه مواردی که میگید مستقیما به هم ربط داشته باشند نه اینکه جدا جدا به دلیل اصلی پاراگراف.
a day off, some people دو جمله مستقل با ویرگول به هم وصل شده که اشتباه هست.
This freedom and autonomy in managing both minor and significant aspects of work can lead to increased job satisfaction. در داخل مثال نباید توضیح بیارید. این 50 کلمه باید فقط برای مثال باشه و بسط و توضیح بدید تا خواننده متقاعد بشه. نباید پیش فرض بگیرید که خواننده با همون یک جمله که گفتید متقاعد شده و نیازی به توضیح بیشتر در قالب این مثال نیست و میشه رفت سراغ نتیجه گیری و حرف های جدید (can lead to increased job satisfaction)
income instability is a disadvantage of being self-employed. ارتباط این دو اصلا توضیح داده نشده. شما بیشتر به مشکلاتی که income instability ایجاد میکنه اشاره کرده و ارتباطش رو با self-employment نگفتید. ضمنا این مورد Having a stable and predictable income is an important factor for planning both life and business futures. اصلا ربطی به بحث ما نداره. سوال پرسیده “معایب self-employment” چی هست. چطور این توضیح میتونه پاسخش باشه؟
. For example, in our country, many business owners cannot predict their income, مثال بسیار کوتاه نوشته شده. مثال همونطور که گفتیم باید 50 کلمه بسط و توضیح داشته باشه تا خواننده ارتباط بین دو مورد رو قبول کنه. اینجا عملا یک جمله نوشته شده و موردی که گفتید به صورت فکت نوشته شده. in our country, many business owners cannot predict their income, این مورد اگر برای افراد self-employed گفته شده باید دقت کنیم که ممکنه این حرف اصلا درست نباشه و خیلی از اونها هم بیزینس های خوب و قدرتمندی داشته باشند. اگر دلیل این مشکل فقط self-employed بودن هست باید این ارتباط توضیح داده بشه. چنین توضیحی وجود نداره.
🔴 در کل رایتینگ خوبی هست و میتونه 6 تا 6.5 رو بگیره اگر در تایم استاندارد 40 دقیقه ای نوشته بشه اما برای نمره های بالاتر تمامی این موارد رو باید رعایت کرد. امیدوارم در رایتینگ های بعدی بتونی برطرف کنی.
Many people prefer to work for themselves rather than be employed by a company, corporation, or other individuals. While flexible working time can be a major reason for this matter, financial risks is one of the challenges of running a business. (41 words)
Flexible working hours is an important reason for many people to be self-employed. Most companies and organizations have a definite working time and some individuals have difficulties working based on that time due to various reasons including their special lifestyle which involves unusual sleep times, irregular meal times or other specific activities. For instance, some people in my country stay up late and engage in different activities like artistic pursuits, gaming, watching movies or other nighttime habits, and as a result, wake up late. Additionally some individuals do sports activities in the morning, which conflict with fixed working hours. Therefore, having their own job is a better option for them. (110 words)
On the other hand, being self-employed comes with disadvantages, such as financial risks. Running a business requires finances to cover expenses such as rent, bills, equipments, production, and other costs. Unstable economics and unexpected situations like war, natural disaster, pandemic such as COVID-19 can raise. These situations can negatively impact a business and potentially waste investments. For instance, in my city, many people started their own businesses before COVID-19,but afterward, they had to shut them down, which caused them to lose money or faced extreme drops in income. Also with fluctuating currency rates , many production workshops faced financial problems to provide primary raw materials. (105 words)
In conclusion, while many people work for companies or organizations, others prefer to have their own job. Flexible working hours which provide more freedom, can be an important reason for choosing self-employment. However, it also comes with financial risks due to different factors, such as Unstable economics and unexpected situations which may result in wasted investments. (56 words)
Flexible working hours is an important reason for many people to be self-employed. توضیحی که برای این مورد ارایه شده ناقص هست و اصلا ارتباط رو نشون نمیده. داخل توضیح اصلا مثال ننویسید و گروه بندی نکنید. توضیح بدید چرا حرفی که زدید صحیح هست.
مثال پاراگراف اول هم در واقع فهرست هست. باید یک مورد باشه با توضیح منطقی که چرا اون 1 موردی که مثال زده شده واقعا چنین ویژگی ای داره.
اینجا expenses such as rent, bills, equipments, production, and other costs. کلمه expense کافی هست بقیه فقط سیاه کردن صفحه هست هیچ تاثیری در تقویت بحث شما نداره. شما باید بگید ارتباط این expense با بحث چی هست و واقعا چرا چنین ارتباطی وجود داره.
unexpected situations like war, natural disaster, pandemic such as COVID-19 اینجا هم باز فهرست داریم. هیچ توضیحی وجود نداره مثال ها رو حذف کنیم هیچی از پاراگراف نمیمونه. این چیزی نیست که ما گقتیم و تمرین کردیم.
تصحیح کنید دوباره بنویسید. میتونید آموزش جلسه اول رو اینجا ببینید اگر یادتون رفته:
✍️ آموزش ویدیویی نوشتن #پاراگراف های اصلی
https://youtu.be/3PZA8rZmpNQ
➖➖➖➖
These days many people tend to being self-employed instead of working in a governmental office or organization.one of the most important reason can be independency.but it might have some drawbacks such as try to keep a balance between work and personal life.(43words)
One of the most motivating factors in working for yourself is a sense of independence and freedom.when you are your own boss ,you can make your desicion without interfering others.so you have more freedom and less concern about the consequences of your choices and desicins.for example, in my country people who have online shop could work independently.as they do not have to follow some rules and obligations that in an office or company people have to obey, they become more creative and can expend their online shop with their own decisions about advertising for products , costs , work’s hours and so on.(101words)
On the other hand, being a self- employed has some negative impacts .for people who are freelancer the capability of keeping a balance between work and personal life is an inevitable necessity.when people work for themselves,they sometimes have to make an appointment with others and also think about it in different hours during a day so they have irregular work’s hours and have less freedom to do other tasks and spend time for personal life .for instance, individuals who have an online shop, have to be online most of the time during the day to connect with their customers , prepare new product ,advertising, answer the messages even on holidays.so they spend less time with their family if they do not stablish balance between work and personal life and it can be some times irritating.(125 words)
To conclude, having a freelance job allow people to be independent and have more freedom.but there is some problems when you have to balance between your job and personal life .(30words)
این سمپل خطاهای گرامری داره که اصلا چک نشده قبل از نوشتن. مثلا tend to being یا one of the most important reason
دقت کنید یا باید اول تک تک ساختارها چک بشه یا با منبع مشخص نوشته بشه یا بعد از نوشتن بدید هوش مصنوعی به شکلی که در کلاس توضیح دادیم چک کنه و خطاها رو بگه. این مدلی که با غلط ها و حالت اطلاعات عمومی فرستادید نمیتونه مورد تایید باشه هیچوقت.
خوشبختانه فرمت کلی رایتینگ خوب هست اما این مورد رو باید حتما برطرف بفرمایید.
استاد اگر reason رو حالت جمع بنویسم درست میشه( reasons) ؟
و being رو بصورت be self-employed بنویسم یعنی بعد tend فعل بصورت ساده بیاد؟
جمله مد نظرتون که تصحیح شده رو کامل بنویسید.
در کل بحث این نیست که با ازمون و خطا به جمله درست برسید. این هست که اول تحقیق کنید و بعد جمله رو در رایتینگ وارد کنید که از مرحله اول متوجه بشید که ساختار درست به چه صورت هست.
Currently, a great number of people make a selection to become freelancers due to more income in this type of work which will be argued in this essay. Also, we will explore that being an entrepreneur is not without its risks. (41W)
Financial gain from work is important. People who work independently often enjoy more earnings. independent work has an incredible potential for generating substantial income, providing individuals with opportunities to make boundless amounts of money. Additionally, working conditions for self-employed individuals are flexible and allow them to focus on creativity to enhance their income. For example, in my country bazaars are always crowded with small shops that typically achieve good daily sales. Moreover, they can analyze supply and demand carefully based on anecdotal evidence to grow their income. (87W)
However, being self–employed also comes with its negative aspects. Freelancers often face some risks such as market competition within their occupation which can affect pricing, client acquisition, and overall job security. Every day more people enter the marketplace. Therefore, making competition tougher than before. For instance, in my city of Shiraz, people who join to fast food industry multiply every year. They innovate by adding new items and flavors to their menu, which creates challenges for older establishments and leads some to close down. (85W)
In conclusion, these days a large number of people seek higher financial rewards through freelancing. Although working for themselves offers significant potential due to its flexibility and variety of financial opportunities, it also entails considerable risks as a result of increasing competition. Moreover, they should be careful to keep their job up in this serious competitive environment. (57W)
make a selection to become این عبارت ترجمه فارسی هست. حتما عبارت ها رو چک کنید و ببینید آیا ترکیبی که مد نظرتون هست رو در دیکشنری میتونیم ببینیم؟
در پاراگراف اول 2 دلیل نوشته شده و هر دو بدون توضیح کامل هست.
پاراگراف ها کمتر از حد تعیین شده است.
Although ……………….., it also این ساختار نادرست است. although را در دیکشنری چک کنید و جمله درست را ببینید.
کوشش کنید در رایتینگ های بعدی حتما باید ها و نباید های صحبت شده را رعایت بفرمایید.
من تو پاراگراف اول دلیلم more income بود و توضیح دادم که Self employer چطوری میتونه باعث درامد بیشتر بشه متوجه نشدم چی دلیل دوم بوده که فرمودیت دوتا دلیل شده
سپاس
درود
خیلی واضح هست. شما همونطور که گفتید با more income شروع کردید و بعدش با ادعای جدید more flexible بودن ادامه دادید. از ادعا یا دلیل more income نمیتونید وارد ادعای جدیدی بشید چون خود اون ادعا دوباره توضیح میخواد.
شما یک مورد رو فقط باید اشاره کنید مثل more income و فقط درباره همین مورد که چرا درست هست و چرا به سوال ارتباط داره صحبت کنید. اینکه این مدل کار flexible هم هست یک ادعای جدید هست نباید نوشته بشه.
ضمنا پاراگراف ها هم نشون میده که توضیح ناقص هست چون 50 کلمه توضیح دلیل و 50 کلمه توضیح مثال رو باید داشته باشیم که با هم میشه 100 کلمه اما پاراگراف شما کوتاه تر از این مقدار هست.
The choice between living in a house and an apartment depends on personal preference. Some people tend to live in houses, while the more apartment advantages encouraged other people to live there. Generally, although people living at home relish from its benefits, the disadvantages should not be ignored. In my opinion, the preferences of living in the house are outweigh the drawbacks.(62, words)
One of the momentous advantages of living in a house is the availability of space. In fact, houses usually provide more space than apartments, having larger living room, numerous bedrooms and outdoor spaces. This additional space can be increase convenient and privacy. Especially for families wih children or individuals who need personal space. A case in point is in the large families that have two or three children, parents may appreciate having separate rooms for their children which can help foster independence and reduce conflicts between them. Furthermore, having a yard or garden can provide opportunities for outdoor activities, such as gardening, relaxation and playing children.(126, words)
On the other hand, one of the most significant factors influencing the decision to the live in a house is the financial aspect. When everyone wants to buy or rent a house, they should invest a lot of money. Also, the annual tax of the house is more than the apartment , and since the house is big, the energies that consume are more. A shining example is although having a garden and growing flowers and trees are enjoyable, but a lot of water is used for irrigation. Also, the energies which consume for heating and cooling the house in the different seasons are high, so people who live there have to pay more money for bills every month.(118, words)
جمله اول مقدمه زاید هست.
relish from حروف اضافه رو دقیق چک کنید. این ساختار غلط هست.
the disadvantages should not be ignored. موردی که مد نظر هست باید نوشته بشه.
the disadvantages should not be ignored. به این شکل نباید نوشته بشه چون ساختارها پاراگراف ها با مدلی که گفتیم فرق میکنه. ما به صورت 50 50 گفتیم که باید نوشته بشه.
are outweigh چنین ساختاری نداریم. دقت کنید که حتما مواردی که در رایتینگ میارید چک بشه.
are outweigh این ساختار هم بی معنی هست. تک تک عبارت هایی که مینویسید رو چک کنید که وجود داشته باشه. بدون بررسی و حالت اطلاعات عمومی ننویسید.
On the other hand, one of the most significant factors influencing the decision to the live in a house is the financial aspect. باید به صورت مشخص به یک عیب اشاره کنید. اینکه financial aspect یک مشکل و عیب هست باید به طور مشخص نوشته بشه.
مثال هایی که مشخص شده به طور کلی هست و ارتباطی به تجربه شخی در کشور شما نداره. اگر به این صورت نوشته بشه بیشتر حالت توضیح رو داره.
بزرگترین مشکل در این رایتینگ خطاهای ترکیب های لغات هست که باید تک تک چک بشه قبل از نوشتن یا پیش از ارسال با هوش مصنوعی چک کنید و تمرین داشته باشید که در رایتینگ های بعدی تکرار نکنید.
Living in a house or an apartment is a matter of personal preference, and individuals can choose between the two. While a house offers a more comfortable environment as a major advantage, its higher maintenance costs can be a significant drawback compared to an apartment. (45 words)
Living in a house provides people with a comfortable environment as a great privilege. Houses are usually spacious, allowing individuals to have various rooms for different purposes. Additionally, making noise cannot annoy the neighbors because houses are isolated from other residences, providing more freedom of action, and residents feel more comfortable compared to living in an apartment. Houses usually have a yard where individuals can freely plant a garden and cultivate flowers and plants. Moreover, the yard provides open space to directly contact sunlight and improve mood whenever needed. For example, in my country, Iran, most people prefer to live in houses and believe that the comfort provided by a house is incomparable to that of an apartment or any other type of small residence. (125 words)
On the other hand, compared to an apartment, living in a house has some drawbacks, the most important of which is the high maintenance cost. Due to the need for more energy to cool and heat a house, affording the utility bills becomes a serious concern. In addition, the insurance cost of a house is significantly higher than that of an apartment, which discourages some people from preferring to live in a house. For instance, in Iran, only the wealthy class of society can afford the costs of a house, while others, despite their desire, are forced to choose an apartment for living. (103 words)
درود به شما
رایتینگ شما با شیوه ای که گفتیم نوشته نشده. روشی که صحبت کردیم شامل ارایه تنها یک دلیل و توضیح کامل همان یک دلیل در 50 کلمه و ارایه یک مثال و توضیح آن در 50 کلمه هست. پاراگراف های شما 2 دلیل بدون توضیح و یک مثال کوچک دارند.
از این مورد اگر بگذریم مشکل خاص دیگه ای دیده نمیشه.
In terms of residence, individuals generally have different perspectives about the strengths and limitations of the most suitable choice for living. In my opinion, despite the fact that living in a house has several downsides, such as high maintenance costs, there are greater merits, such as offering more convenience, which outweigh the benefits of choosing an apartment as a permanent residence. (61 words)
When it comes to the pros of living in a house, convenience undoubtedly plays a vital role in encouraging people to prefer houses over apartments. In comparison to apartments, houses offer individuals more opportunities to customize and renovate their space to cater to their specific needs, especially for larger families, which can contribute to a better sense of peace. Moreover, unlike apartments where people are highly likely to be disturbed by their noisy neighbors, living in a house provides more privacy and seclusion due to unlimited living space. For example, families who live in houses do not have shared walls with neighbors, which allows them more freedom to meet their friends and families at any time of the day and throw parties without worrying about bothering other people. (128 words)
In contrast to apartments, one of the most important drawbacks that individuals living in houses have to address is the higher maintenance expenses. This issue often comes with time-consuming upkeep and presents various troubles for families who have chosen houses as their permanent residences. For instance, the majority of houses have private outdoor spaces that need to be maintained thoroughly every season, which definitely takes a lot of time. Furthermore, from personal experience, by the time I was 12, I had already lived in a big house, and every year before winter, we had to carry out several serious repairs on heating equipment to ensure that the whole family wouldn’t face worrying problems during cold weather, which sometimes led to difficulty in making ends meet. (125 words )
outweigh the benefits of choosing an apartment as a permanent residence. این عبارت رو نباید بنویسید چون مدل پاراگراف بندی باید عوض بشه.
سعی کنید مثال رو 50 کلمه بنویسید و توضیحات خیلی طولانی نباشه. ضمنا توضیح متمرکز روی یک مورد مثلا convenience باشه نه اینکه بخواین در توضیح وارد موضوعات دیگه مثل privacy هم بشید.
مثال های شخصی برای رایتینگ آیلتس مناسب نیستند. مثال ها باید حتما درباره شهر یا کشور شما و کلی باشه.
در کل رایتینگ خوبی هست اما به نظر میرسه از سطح کسی که در آغاز راه آیلتس هست بالاتر هست. اگر خودتون نوشتید که عالی هست اما اگر به هر شکل کمکی گرفتید کوشش کنید این کمک در آینده کم بشه یا اصلا نباشه چون در آزمون کمکی وجود نداره.
The choice between living in a house and an apartment depends on personal preferences. Some people tend to live in houses, while the more apartment advantages encouraged other people to live there. Generally, althought people living at home relish from its benefits, the disadvantages should not ignored. In my opinio , the preferences of living in the house outweight the drawbacks. (61, words)
One of the momentous advantage of living in house is the availibility oc space. In fact, houses usually provide more space than apartments, allowing larger living room, numerous bedrooms, and outdoor spaces. This additional space can be increase convenient and priavacy. Espacially for families with have children or individuals who need personal space. For example, in families that have two or three children, parents may appreciate having seperate rooms for their children, and they sense independence. Furthermore, having a yard or garden can provide opportunities for outdoor activities, such as, gardening, relaxation, and plsying child. Also, in the summer, they can sleep in the yard and relish fresh air.(129, words)
On the other hand, one of the most significant factors influencing the decision to live in a house is the financial aspect. When everone wants to buy and rent a house, they should invest high money. Also, the annual tax of the house is higher than the apartment, and since the house is big, it consumes more energy. For example, althought having a garden and growing flowers and trees is enjoyable, but a lot of water is used for irrigation, and in winter, a lot of energy is used to heat the house, also, in the summer, a lot of electricity is used to cool the house. Therefore, they live at home and have to pay a lot of money for the bill evermonth.(125, words)
تعداد خطاهای اسپلینگ در این رایتینگ بسیار بالاست:
althought
opinio
outweight
availibility
oc
priavacy
Espacially
seperate
plsying
everone
althought
evermonth
این خطاها رو برطرف کنید و رایتینگ رو دوباره بفرستید برای بررسی. در اینده هم قبل از ارسال تک تک خطاهای اسپلینگ رو چک کنید و بعد ارسال بفرمایید.
Some people like to live in a house while others believe that living in an apartment has more benefits. Although Houses are usually more expensive, they offer more spaces for families. in this essay, both aspects are argued. In my opinion, the advantages are more reliable. (46w)
Living in a house has challenges like high costs and people who prefer to live in a house should consider this fact. Although a property is an investment, buying it requires a high initial fund. Moreover, the additional costs associated with keeping up a house like maintenance and taxes exist which are all on the owner’s shoulder while in the apartment they are shared with neighbors. For example, in my country house cost is extremely high to buy or rent. However, people depending on their money, choose where it is suitable for them to have one but generally, house prices are high everywhere. Therefore, most people are not able to be house owners. (113w)
In contrast to apartments, houses typically offer more space. There are larger living areas in houses and includes multiple rooms or areas for different activities. Houses usually have outdoor spaces like a yard and garden which children and adults use in some way without being interrupted by neighbors. Besides, extra rooms provide a comfortable condition for having guests. Also, Family members have their rooms. For instance, in my country families with more than two children often prefer houses due to more spaces that put their life in good quality, especially for their children. because generations are different and every child needs their own space. Furthermore, children can play in a yard so they are kept safe from outdoor dangers.(119w)
رایتینگ خوبی هست خطای بزرگی وجود نداره. سعی کن برای رایتینگ های بعدی مثال ها رو یکم مشخص تر بنویسی و خیلی شبیه به توضیحات نباشه و مورد دیگه اینکه در حد امکان از لغات حرفه ای تر استفاده کنی. اما همانطور که گفتیم در این مرحله همه چیز مناسب هست.
There are different opinions about living in a house, which has different conditions compare to living in an apartment. Choosing a house to live base on some advantages like more freedom and disadvantages such as higher prices is challenging. (39 words)
More Freedom is one of the most advantages of living in a house which many people consider it as an important criterion. A house is a separate place without sharing any environment with other families or individual, so people don’t have to comply apartment living rules and worry about limitations. For example, some people enjoy different entertainments such as having party, watching movie or playing video games after midnight may disturb others in an apartment. Additionally, some apartment owners don’t allow people to have pets in the apartment. Freedom in decorating a house and having own favorite life style is another example of freedom that is valuable for some people. (110 words)
On the other hand, living in a house involves higher costs. Houses are typically larger than flats that include more rooms and also may have addition spaces like a yard, garden, or a garage which don’t exist in an apartment. Heating and cooling the rooms and maintaining those spaces and other expenses like tax and insurance causes higher costs. For example, most houses include two or even three bedrooms and as well as a living room and a yard or garden. Painting the rooms, furnishing the living room and maintaining the yard or garden need more money. Some houses include an addition floor too. People who live in a house have to pay themselves without any shared contributions. (118 words)
most advantages این عبارت درست نیست چون most با صفت همراه میشه اما advantages اسم هست.
which many people consider it دقت بفرمایید در جمله هایی که which به کار میره دوباره نباید ضمیر رو بیارید. این خطا در فهرست خطاهای متداول هم هست حتما چک بفرمایید که باعث کاهش نمره شما نشه:
https://ielts2.com/common-mistakes-in-grammar
پاراگراف شما با فرمول 50 کلمه توضیح برای دلیل و 50 کلمه مثال نوشته نشده. یک توضیح ناقص داره و بعد مثال آورده شده و در ادامه دوباره یک توضیح ناقص هست. دقت کنید به شکلی که گفتیم بنویسید.
comply apartment living rules and worry about limitations. For example, some people enjoy different entertainments such as having party, watching movie or playing video games ردیف کردن مثال نمره ای برای شما نداره. باید یک مورد رو بعنوان مثال و از کشور خودتون در نظر بگیرید و همون رو توضیح بدید. در این باره کامل در کلاس صحبت کردیم و سمپل هم به همین شکل نوشته شده.
causes higher costs. عبارت ها رو دقیق در دیکشنری چک کنید و از خودتون ننویسید.
addition spaces پیش از ارسال چک کنید که ساختارها درست نوشته شده باشه.
مثالی که در پاراگراف دوم نوشته شده به طور کلی در مورد هزینه ها صحبت میکنه و باز هم شامل موارد مختلف هست. باید یک مورد مشخص رو که مرتبط به تجربه شخصی از کشور خودتون هست رو انتخاب کنید و درباره اش توضیح منطقی بدید که برای خواننده قابل قبول باشه.
اگر مواردی که گفته شده رو رعایت نکنید نمره رایتینگ شما محدود به گرامر و لغت خواهد بود و از 6 تا نهایت 6.5 بالاتر نمیره.
این رایتینگ به نظر میرسه بیشتر حالت اطلاعات عمومی از قبل و بدون چک کردن ساختارها نوشته شده. گرچه مواردی رو رعایت کردید اما بعضی دیگه رو کاملا بی توجه بودید. در رایتینگ های بعدی خیلی دقت بفرمایید.
Living in a house comes with its own sorts of advantages and disadvantages compare to an apartment.this essay implys both aspects of these views .while living in a house has some benefits such as personalization, there are some drawbacks like maintenance responsibilities
(43 words)
One of the most significant benefits of living in a house is personalization.home owners have the freedom to modify their living spaces and provide individual requirements according to their tastes .they can choose their lifestyle which is close to their personality by renovating and designing the environment where they feel belong to it.(54 words)for instance, I live in my parent’s house . we have changed our rooms with some painting and changing intrance door .we have planted some flowers in yard space and provide some facilities such as a bench in small garden since a few years ago. which made some positive diferences than before.
(94words)
On the other hand , one of the known drawbacks of living in a house is the responsibility for maintenance and repairs. home owners have to manage everything from repairing and renovating to handle the problems related to requirements without sharing with neighbour(43words).for example, my parent’s house is rather old and needs some conservations such as ,repairing old facilities like windows, doors ,painting rooms occasionally,renovating plumbing and renew old furniture like cupboards and checking wiring of the house which needs exra costs. so maintenance of the house needs responsibility and expenses of repairing and maintenence increase quickly.(100 words)
this essay implys both aspects of these views این جمله از نظر معنایی غلط هست و خطای املایی هم داره. ضمنا باید از جمله هایی که حالت حفظی دارند و ارتباط مشخصی به هیچ رایتینگی ندارند خودداری کنید. هر جمله باید مستقیما در ارتباط با رایتینگ شما باشه نه کلیشه ای.
benefits of living in a house is personalization. دقت کنید به نظر میرسه ترجمه فارسی کردید چون کلمه personalization به این شکل به کار نمیره اصلا. اگر منبعی دارید که در اون به این شکل و در این معنا به کار رفته بفرمایید که بررسی کنیم.
provide individual requirements این هم به همین شکل بی معنی هست. به نظر میرسه لغات رو چک نکردید و مستفیما در رایتینگ وارد کردید با توجه به تصویری که خودتون ازشون داشتید.
with some painting and changing intrance door این ساختار غلط هست. دو طرف and باید ساختار دستوری همسان داشته باشیم. ضمنا باز هم خطای املایی وجود داره. حتما قبل از ارسال چک کنید دقیق و کامل
مثال رایتینگ های آیلتس نمیتونه شخصی باشه این رو چندین بار تاکید کردیم.
خطاها رو برطرف کنید دوباره بفرستید چون خیلی با چیزی که گفتیم ناهماهنگ هست بیشتر با توجه به اطلاعات عمومی خودتون نوشتید تا مورادی که تدریس شده.
ممنون از توضیحاتتون
استاد نواقصی که گرفتید شکل درستش چی میشه برای این چند تا جمله؟که معدل درستش رو استفاده کنم
Personalization معادل شخصی سازی و اختصاصی کردن در دیکشنری ترجمه شده و در هوش مصنوعی هم همین طور ،چون ایده رو از هوش مصنوعی گرفتم
خواهش میکنم.
دقت بفرمایید بارها گفتیم مطلقا از دیکشنری دوزبانه استفاده نکنید تا اطلاعات غلط به شما نده. بجز این دقت داشته باشید که اینکه ایده از هوش مصنوعی بگیرید مشکلی نیست اما نباید مستقیم وارد رایتینگ کنید. تک تک عبارت ها طوری که در جلسه اول کامل صحبت کردیم و چند بار هم بعدا توضیح دادیم باید در دیکشنری لانگمن (یک یک دیکشنری معتبر دیگه) چک بشه. بنابراین باید چک کنید مثلا این عبارت personalization آیا در این موضوع هم کابرد داره یا خیر.
بقیه لغات و ساختارها هم همینطور. مواردی که نوشتید به نظر من ترجمه فارسی هستند و چک نشده. استفاده از دیکشنری فارسی هم فرقی با ترجمه نداره و جواب های غلط به شما میده مثل همین مورد.
برای همن گفتم که دوباره بنویسید. این روش که شما فارسی ترجمه کنید و بعد بفرمایید من معادل درست انگلیسی رو بگم روش صحیحی نیست چون هر رایتینگ درباره یک موضوع و تعداد ساختارها بسیار زیاد هستند. شما بدون چک کردن نباید اصلا ساختاری رو وارد رایتینگ کنید.
یک روش خیلی خوب زمانی که یک لغت مشخص برای یک موضوعی نمیدونید سعی کنید بجای ترجمه کردن اون کلمه رو توضیح بدید. مثلا بجای personalization که برای مثال در لانگمن برای این معنی و در این context چیزی برای پیدا نکردیم میتونیم بگیم the ability to change and modify thing around the house که این عبارت رو هم اگر کلیدواژه هاش مثل change یا modify رو در دیکشنری چک کنیم میبینیم که در همین ساختار به کار رفته.
شما باید یک بار دیگه رایتینگ رو بنویسید و تک تک ساختارها رو هم ساده بنویسید و هم محدود به عبارت هایی که در منابع معرفی شده در بخش تکالیف یا لانگمن وجود دارند. از دیکشنری دو زبانه یا عبارت هایی که در لانگمن نیستند استفاده نکنید.
در آخر پیام های تلگرام رو اصلا چک نکردید. دقت بفرمایید که از شما سوالاتی پرسیده شده بوده اونجا.
Some people like to live in a house while others believe that living in an apartment has more benefits. Although Houses are usually more expensive, they offer more privacy and spaces for families. in this essay, both aspects are argued. In my opinion, the advantages are more reliable. (48w)
Living in a house has had challenges like high costs and people who prefer to live in a house should consider this fact. Although a property is an investment, buying it requires a high initial fund. Moreover, the additional costs associated with keeping up a house like maintenance and taxes exist which are all on the owner’s shoulder while in the apartment they are shared with neighbors. For example, in my country house cost is extremely high to buy or rent. However, people depending on their money, choose where it is suitable for them to have one but generally, house prices are high everywhere. Therefore, most people are not able to be house owners. (114w)
In contrast to apartments, houses typically offer more privacy and space. Houses are built in a way that makes them noise isolation. While in apartments shared walls allow sounds to play everywhere even by normal talking. Moreover, Greater personal space provides a chance to make lifestyle preferences for everyone in the family. For instance, in my country families with more than two children often prefer houses due to making loud and this way parents are less in neighbor’s attention. Furthermore, generations are different and every child needs their own space. (90w)
اصلا نباید برای یک دیدگاه به 2 دلیل اشاره کنید privacy and space به هر کدوم در پاراگراف های اصلی اشاره نکنید و ساپورت نکنید بابتش نمره از دست میدید.
در تسک 2 معمولا در مورد فکت ها صحبت میکنیم بنابراین زمان حال ساده نیاز هست: Living in a house has had challenges
privacy and space. توضیح مشخصی برای هیچکدوم از این 2 مورد ارایه نشده متاسفانه. توضیحات شما باید کامل و مشخص و برای یک دلیل باشه. این پاراگراف به همین دلیل ضعیف تر از پاراگراف اول هست.
اگر دوست دارید این موارد رو برطرف کنید دوباره بفرستید. یادتون باشه زیر 100 کلمه هم نباشه پاراگراف ها
some people argue that house is better than apartment because houses typically offer more living space both indoora and outdoors while other say’s houses need higher maintenance cost. I strongly believe that house is better due to more space.
جمله اول باید فقط موضوع رو مطرح کنه نه دلیل اما این سبک هم غلط نیست.
Choosing a place to live is one of the most important decisions that anyone must make. While some people think that living in a house has more advantages, others prefer to live in an apartment. This essay will discuss benefits such as increased privacy compared to costs such as reduced security. I believe the benefits are greater than the costs. (60W)
People who live in a house often appreciate the increased privacy and respect for their personal boundaries. Living in a house allows individuals to make choices based on their own preferences, life plans, and desires. Having privacy is the ability to engage in activities without fear of being overheard or interrupted. For instance, someone may choose to practice a musical instrument, host a gathering, or engage in hobbies such as painting or crafting without worrying about disturbing neighbors or being judged by others. However, there are more restrictions in apartment, this freedom to live in house according to their own schedules can significantly enhance their quality of life. (108W)
Unless the advantages of a house are considerable, there are important disadvantages, such as increased isolation. Although homeowners have more privacy, they often feel isolated. They do not have any communication with their neighbors and are not in touch with them. All the responsibilities fall on the homeowner’s shoulders without the help and support. For example, in our country, it is common for people who live in apartments to communicate with each other, which does not happen in houses. Sometimes, apartment residents hold meetings to make decisions about the building. Additionally, their children spend time together and form friendships. As a result, homeowners experience more isolation compared to apartment residents. (110W)
overheard این مورد از نظر جمله ای که توش به کار رفته درست نیست. بیشتر منظور شما بحث مزاحمت هست.
However, there are more restrictions in apartment, this freedom to live in house اینجا دو جمله مستقل با ویرگول به هم وصل شدند که منطقی نیست. باید از حروف ربط مناسب استفاده کنید. به نظر میرسه باید از although استفاده میشده.
50 جمله دوم پاراگراف باید مثال باشه اما شما توضیحات رو ادامه دادید.
Unless the advantages of a house are considerable, there are important disadvantages اینجا هم حرف ربط unless از نظر معنایی نادرست است. حتما در دیکشنری چک کنید و جمله هایی که مینویسید بدون الگو نباشند وگرنه ممکنه مثل این مورد معنی درستی نداشته باشند. اول خود کلمه ربط رو چک کنید.
در کل خوب هست اما به مواردی که اشاره شد خیلی دقت بفرمایید.
بقیه تکالیف رو هم کامل ارسال بفرمایید و فقط روی رایتینگ متمرکز نباشید.
Financial independence plays a vital role in bringing a sense of happiness in adults’ lives. People in adulthood normally have a job in which they can make enough money to follow their interests related to financial matters. In spite of the fact that individuals who pursue a job might face numerous issues and responsibilities, they can provide excellent conditions for themselves and their families to experience a feeling of fulfillment. For instance, in contrast to adolescence, in adulthood, you have the ability to buy anything you would like without concerning yourself with your parents’ economic situation or depending on them in any way, which can fuel happiness significantly.
When it comes to teenage years, the first thing that individuals think about is having fewer responsibilities, which can play a key role in bringing happiness. Children who live in a close-knit family can spend their time following their interests and having cheerful moments. For instance, they can put their energies into sports, take up artistic activities, hang out with their friends, and more. Additionally, in adolescence, people don’t need to think about financial concerns, which can lead to peace of mind. Therefore, considering these points, the teen years can be the highlight of individuals’ lives for those who have a carefree adolescence.
a job in which در اینجا حرف اضافه in درست نیست چون اصلا چنین حرف اضافه ای وجود نداره برای job
میتونید بگید from which که البته بازم خیلی رایج نیست.
For instance, in contrast to adolescence, in adulthood, you have the مثال باید کاملا واضح از کشور خودتان باشد وگرنه با توضیح تفاوتی ندارد.
بقیه رایتینگ برای من مشخص نیست. باید 2 پاراگراف 100 تا 110 کلمه بنویسید که از هم جدا باشند و تعداد کلمات هم اخر پاراگراف نوشته بشه.
As teneegers often experience less stress in their lives, they have more sense of happiness.first of all, they do not have some serious responsibilities and nobody expects them to make unerring decisions.secondly, they typically do not have some awerness and experience about the future challenges so they are more easygoing and less stressed . (54 words) .for example, in my country a teneeger’s primary responsibility just includes doing homeworks and studying and preparing for exams. so they do not have to think about how earn money or managing household duties which allows them to enjoy their youth.for these reasons they are less stressed and are happier. (105 words)
On the other hand,adults are happier because they are more independent due to combinations of factors .firstly, they can make informed decisions about their lifestyle without relying on others.secondly they can pursue personal goals independently and also financial independence that is achieved through having job .so adults enable to support themselves. (53 words) for instance, adults are more independent .they can make decisions about marriage and settle down and have family and relationship they also
can pursue their career opportunities ,have a chance to plan for future targets without attentin to sombody’s opinion and seek society wellfare . these reasons contribute in adults independency and fulfillment and also more happier
(108words)
با فرمتی که صحبت کردیم هماهنگ نداره متاسفانه.
1 دلیل و 50 کلمه توضیح و 50 کلمه مثال میخوایم. شما 2 دلیل آوردید بدون توضیح کامل که نمره رو کم میکنه.
این مورد رو اگر در نظر نگیریم جمله بندی و منطقی بودن صحبت شما خوب هست.
Some people justifiably believe that teenagers have a happier life. In fact, they live with parents; therefore,they are not have a stress and concern about problems life, and they put their full energies on their aims. For example, in my country, Iran, chilren are supported by their parents until they grow up and complete their education and find a job, so teenagers have a great opportunity to focus on their education; actually, they assume responsibility to be successful in their lessons. Also, they do not involve economical problems; they have more leisure time, so they can communicate with friends and do interested activities such as painting, playing video games, and listening to music. Then it leads to a deeper sense of happiness. (124, words)
On the other hand, a group of people argue that adults derive greater satisfaction from life. Since they have a job, they are not concerned about financially dependence. Actually, they passed from grappling with challenges for finding a job, so they have fulfillment. In fact, they assume different responsibility such as job and family; also, they have a fixed income, so they are more beneficial for society and their families. For example, in my country, Iran, the parents responsible for eliminating the financial needs in their familie. In fact, they should provide a house and facilities for living. Even they can help the other people and relatives economically. These beneficial and independent senses lead to a deeper sense of contentment in adults.(123, words)
they are not have a stress and concern about problems life این دلیل شما در پاراگراف اول هست باید همین رو مستقیم بنویسید. هر توضیح اضافه و تکرار فقط باعث کاهش نمره میشه.
For example, in my country, شما اول باید 50 کلمه دلیل رو توضیح بدید بعد برید سراغ مثال. این رایتینگ با شیوه ای که گفتیم نوشته نشده. اگر میخواین هماهنگ با مدل ما بنویسید تصحیح کنید.
they passed from این ساختار رو اصلا نشنیدم. منبع شما چی بوده؟
Since they have a job, نباید به صورت فکت بنویسید. این برای همه صادق نیست فقط بعضی این حالت رو دارند. باید ذکر بشه حتما و لحنش مناسب باشه.
also, they have a fixed income, so they are more beneficial for society and their families. دقت کنید توضیحات شما باید روی یک مورد تمرکز داشته باشه و همون رو کامل توضیح بدید. بهتره وارد مورد دیگه نشید. و ضمنا نتیجه گیری ازش نکنید خودش رو توضیح بدید که چرا درست هست و اینکه چه ارتباطی به سوال داره. نباید پیشفرض شما این باشه که خواننده به طور خودکار قبول میکنه که هر کس شغل داره یا درامد داره خوشبخته و نیازی به توضیح نداره. این توضیح شماست که نمره رو دریافت میکنه. هیچ چیزی پیشفرض نیست.
در کل اگر دوست داشتید یک بار دیگه بازنویسی کنید و بفرستید میتونید. ولی در همین حال هم بد نیست.
It is often believed that youth is synonymous with energy and leisure, making it a particularly joyful period of life. Young people are physically strong and full of vitality, which leads them to engage in various enjoyable activities, such as socializing with friends or working out at a gym. These experiences contribute to their overall satisfaction and allow them to enjoy the moments of their lives.
For instance, teenagers might spend time hanging out with friends at the park, engaging in sports, or attending social events. Despite the lack of financial independence, they make the most of the present, finding joy in simple activities like organizing a house party or playing sports. (111 words)
On the other hand, it is argued that adulthood offers greater opportunities for happiness due to the independence it brings. Adults have the freedom to make decisions without seeking approval from others, which can lead to a greater sense of confidence. In contrast, adolescents often face restrictions as their parents tend to be protective, limiting their autonomy. For example, adults can purchase items like a new car or the latest gadgets without needing anyone’s approval. They also have the freedom to travel abroad for holidays or attend concerts and events they enjoy, all without having to ask for permission from anyone. (108 words)
It is often believed that youth is synonymous with energy and leisure, making it a particularly joyful period of life. Young people are physically strong and full of vitality, which leads them to engage in various enjoyable activities, such as socializing with friends or working out at a gym. These experiences contribute to their overall satisfaction and allow them to enjoy the moments of their lives.For instance, teenagers might spend time hanging out with friends at the park, engaging in sports, or attending social events. Despite the lack of financial independence, they make the most of the present, finding joy in simple activities like organizing a house party or playing sports. (111 words)
On the other hand, it is argued that adulthood offers greater opportunities for happiness due to the independence it brings. Adults have the freedom to make decisions without seeking approval from others, which can lead to a greater sense of confidence. In contrast, adolescents often face restrictions as their parents tend to be protective, limiting their autonomy. For example, adults can purchase items like a new car or the latest gadgets without needing anyone’s approval. They also have the freedom to travel abroad for holidays or attend concerts and events they enjoy, all without having to ask for permission from anyone. (108 words)
In adulthood people are happier because they are independent. Most individuals have argument with their parents before adulthood because parents control and limit every thing about their children. But in adulthood, they aren’t under control of their parents as before and can make decision and choose their life style in their own. For instance, In my country many parents don’t allowed their children to wear every clothes they want, watch every movie, go everywhere or have relationships with everyone and generally they are strict with their children. But after teenage years, individuals can do and follow what they want and these limitation no longer exist so, independence makes them extremely happy.(111 words)
Teenagers have happier life because there are more cheerful moments in their lives. Some experiences and moments never happen in adulthood or adults don’t have excitement or enthusiasm as much as children have. They are happy times such as when they buy new clothes, get a bicycle, fall in love, go to an amusement park, or something similar. For instance in my country, During Nowruz which is the Persian new year, children are in holiday for thirteen days. They wear new clothes, take money as gift, stay up late for watching their favorite programs, hang out with friends and so on. They are really happy because of these enjoyable moments.(110 words)
don’t allowed دقت کنید شکل ساده فعل لازم هست.
so, independence makes them extremely happy. در بخش مثال باید این مورد رو بیشتر توضیح میدادید اما در عوض یک سری نمونه و مثال ردیف کردید. این مثال های قطاری کمکی به نمره نمیکنه. حتی در بخش مثال هم باید به طور منطقی بحث رو پیش ببرید.
Teenagers have happier life نباید به صورت 100% و فکت بنویسید. توضیح شما باید به صورت یک دیدگاه باشه. سمپل رو ببینیدحتما.
as much as children have. دقت داشته باشید children با teenager یکی نیست. دو گروه سنی کاملا جدا هستند. اولی به زیر 10 سال گفته میشه فقط.
get a bicycle, fall in love, این دو مورد مربوط به یک گروه سنی نیست!
نه در توضیح نه در بخش مثال نباید مثال ردیف کنید: when they buy new clothes, get a bicycle, fall in love, go to an amusement park, or something similar. توضیحات شما هست که نمره داره این مدل نوشتن هیچ تاثیری در قانع کردن مخاطب نداره.
در پاراگراف دوم . They are really happy باید توضیح بدید چطور این تعطیلات برای گروه سنی خاصی که گفتید حس خوشحالی داره. چرا مثلا بزرگسال چنین حسی رو نداره یا به این اندازه نیست. توضیحی داده نشده در حالیکه مهم ترین بخش همین هست.
It is often believed that youth is synonymous with energy and leisure, making it a particularly joyful period of life. Young people are physically strong and full of vitality, which leads them to engage in various enjoyable activities, such as socializing with friends or working out at a gym. These experiences contribute to their overall satisfaction and allow them to enjoy the moments of their lives. (66 words)
For instance, teenagers might spend time hanging out with friends at the park, engaging in sports, or attending social events. Despite the lack of financial independence, they make the most of present, finding joy in simple activities like organizing a house party or playing sports. (45 words)
On the other hand, it is argued that adulthood offers greater opportunities for happiness due to the independence it brings. Adults have the freedom to make decisions without seeking approval from others, which can lead to a greater sense of confidence. In contrast, adolescents often face restrictions as their parents tend to be protective, their autonomy would be limited by the parents. (62 words)
For example, adults can purchase items like a new car or the latest gadgets without needing anyone’s approval. They also have the freedom to travel abroad for holidays or attend concerts and events they enjoy, all without having to ask for permission from anyone. (44 words)
درود به شما
رایتینگ ها طبق تدریسی که انجام شده و سمپلی که بارهای روی اون تاکید کردیم و در کانال هم دوباره گذاشتیم 2 پاراگراف 100 کلمه هست. شما 4 پاراگراف فرستادید.
تصحیح کنید و بفرستید.
Some people believe that personal happiness is closely related to individual relationships. Stable relationships with family and friends provide essential emotional support, love, and companionship which are necessary for an enjoyable life. For instance, some students in a special high school in Iran, struggle to find close friends, leading to feeling of isolation. They often refrain from participating in group activities and entertainment which can increase their sadness. Many of these students face challenges in their family relationship, which hinder their emotional development and overall happiness. This lack of emotional support can carry over into their future and making it difficult for them to find joy in their live (109 words).
On the other hand, many argue that financial stability plays a significant role in happiness. While it’s true that money can’t buy happiness, it can alleviate stress and provide a sense of security. People who struggle with financial instability often experience anxiety and worry, which can reduce their overall well-being. Conversely, those with a higher and stable income are better able to meet their basic needs and enjoy leisure activities, leading to increased life satisfaction. For example, the students from affluent families may receive more attention from teachers. These students often enjoy a range of facilities and entertainment at home and may experience greater happiness (105 words).
Some people believe that personal happiness is closely related to individual relationships. چنین حرفی در سوال زده نشده. شما دارید از دیدگاه پشتیبانی میکنید پی میتونید بگید میشه گفت دلیلش این هست نه اینکه some people believe. سمپل رو ببینید چطوری گفته
پاراگراف اول با فرمت 50 کلمه توضیح برای دلیل و 50 کلمه برای مثال نوشته نشده. توضیحات بسیار کوتاه هست و مثال بیش از حد بزرگ.
پاراگراف دوم هم باید حتما درباره دیدگاه دوم باشه اما شما دلیل دیگه ای برای دیدگاه اول آوردید
سمپل رو با دقت زیاد بخونید و دقیقا با همون فرمت بنویسید.
Happiness is frequently described as a state of well-being and contentment, playing an important role in our lives. It is a personal experience that varies from person to person and influenced by several factors such as personal relationships and financial stability (41 words).
One of the most significant factors to happiness is the quality of personal relationships. Stable relationships with family and friends provide emotional support, love, and companionship which are necessary for an enjoyable life. Research has revealed that people with strong social networks have higher levels of happiness. For example, a study conducted by Tehran University reported that close relationships are a crucial factor for happiness and longevity. Thus, development of these relationships can lead to a more satisfying and joyful life (81 words).
Financial status is another significant factor that influences happiness. While money can’t buy happiness, it can lessen stress and provide security. People who struggle with financial instability often experience anxiety and worry, which can reduce their overall well-being. Conversely, those with a higher and stable income are better able to meet their basic needs and enjoy leisure activities, leading to increased life satisfaction. For example, some researchers reported that people who can afford vacations or hobbies have higher levels of happiness compared to those who are constantly worried about daily needs (91 words).
مقدمه که هنوز تدریس نشده.
پاراگراف های اصلی رو هم گفتیم که حداقل باید 100 کلمه باشند.
اجازه ارجاع به تحقیقات علمی برای اثبات حرفمون رو نداریم: . Research has revealed that people with strong social networks have higher levels of happiness. اشتباه هست
آپدیت کنید بفرستید ممنون
The teenage years are often considered the happiest time of life due to the lack of significant social and family responsibilities. Teenagers are generally supported by their families as they transition into adulthood, which allows them to focus on their personal growth and education. Financial concerns such as living expenses are rarely a burden for teenagers, as their parents typically cover these costs. For instance, in my country, Iran, children live with their parents until they reach adulthood and are mainly responsible for studying. Families provide unconditional support during this period, creating an environment where teenagers can enjoy life without major stressors.
In contrast, adult life offers unique advantages, such as independence and personal freedom. Adults are usually self-reliant, managing their own lives without depending on their families. Having a job provides a steady income, enabling them to handle living expenses and other financial obligations on their own. Furthermore, adults have the liberty to make decisions without requiring approval, whether it involves traveling, pursuing hobbies, or lifestyle choices. For example, in Western societies, the trend of living alone has been growing, reflecting the value adults place on freedom and self-determination. Adult life, despite its challenges, offers rewarding experiences.
whether it involves traveling, pursuing hobbies, or lifestyle choices. توضیحات خوبه اما کوشش کنید کلی گویی مثل این جمله کمتر باشه و مشخص تر توضیح بدید. چون قدرت قانع کننده بودن جمله هایی که کلی هستند بسیار کمتر هست.
For example, in Western societies, مثال از کشور خودتون باشه.
ضمنا مثال 50 کلمه نوشته نشده
پاراگراف ها هم شماره ندارند. حتما برای رایتینگ های بعدی مشخص کنید همه موارد رو
Since the big cities have more facilities, people tend to live there. In fact, not only is the big city a great place for education, but it also has numerous job opportunities and healthcare services. Actually, the government allocates most of its budgets to developing the big cities. Tberefore, a statistic shows that many people are encouraged to migrate there to have a better life. For example, in the capital city of my country, Tehran, which is one of the biggest, there are many governmental and private companies that can give lots of choices to students that have graduated recently. So, it would be a great place to move and find an appropriate job.(114,words)
On the other hand, people who live in small cities lead a calmer lifestyle due to the lack of stress and hectic pace of life. They also have the opportunity to relish fresh air and consume locally sourced, fresh food, leading to better overall health. For instance, in the village near my city, residents make their own yogurt, butter,and oil, which are rich in nutrients for bone health and incorporate locally grown vegetables and grains into their diet.This results in a healthier diet overall. Additonally, he air quality in small cities is often better due to the abundance of plants and trees and fewer cars emitting pollution. As a result, people in small cities experience both mental and physical health benefits.(121, words)A
در توضیحات نمیتونید به آمار و ارقام اشاره کنید. توضیحی که ارایه میکنید باید 50 کلمه باشه نه فقط یک جمله. این ادامه دار بودن توضیح خیلی مهمه و نمره داره.
در آغاز پاراگراف دلیل شما باید کوتاه نوشته بشه و 1 مورد باشه و در ادامه فقط توضیح داشته باشیم نه هیچ ادعا ودلیل دیگه. سمپل رو حتما ببینید.
در پاراگراف دوم هم 2 دلیل نوشته شده و توضیح وجود نداره و بعد مثال رو نوشتید.
حتما سمپل رو ببینید و بازنویسی کنید یا برای رایتینگ بعدی دقت کنید.
There are many job opportunities in big cities due to the presence of many factories, shops and service offices. In addition, they have various entertainments facilities and academies that require employees. Furthermore, big cities provide a better environment for launching new ideas and startups, making them more appealing for people seeking employment. So some people prefer to live in big cities. For example, in my country, many individuals and families migrate to big cities like Esfahan and Tehran because of the wide range of factories and industries like iron and petrochemical industries, car manufacturing and others. Moreover, large shopping centers and entertainment create significant demand for human resources. (108 words)
People are happier in small cities because there are fewer people. A large population means more cars and transportation, which cause noise, air pollution, and traffic jams. These problems lead to mental and physical health issues. Crowded cities also have more crime and social problems, which make people feel less safe and more stressed. For this reason, some people prefer living in small cities. For example, Tehran, the capital of my country, has about ten million people. This causes traffic jams every weekday. On some days, air pollution is so bad that schools have to close. Crime is also higher, which increases safety concerns. (103 words)
این رایتینگ با فرمت دلیل و توضیح نوشته نشده. شما باید یک دلیل مشخص ارایه کنید و توضیح بدید چرا این دلیل اول درست هست و دوم تایید کننده دیدگاه اون افراد هست.
الان در پاراگراف اول presence of many factories نوشته شده اما توضیح مشخصی برای اینکه چرا اینها رو داریم ارایه نشده.
یکی از خطاهای رایج نتیجه گیری از دلیلی هست که خودش هنوز اثبات نشده و خطای رایج دوم ارایه دلایل مختلف بدون توضیح هست.
در پاراگراف دوم بهتره مقایسه با شهر بزرگ انجام نشه و مستقیم شهر کوچک رو توضیح بدید. باز هم فرمتی که گفتیم رو فراموش نکنید.
این رایتینگ بهتره بازنویسی بشه و به این صورت که گفتیم نوشته بشه.
ضمنا سمپل رو با دقت نگاه کنید پیش از نوشتن.
There are more facilities in big cities than small towns. More facilities encourage people to move to big cities. It would be an appropriate place for education. The government constructed famous university and international; schools. Also, the private universities have some branches. So lots of students around the country after the passed the national entrance exam would immigrate to the large cite. For example TEHRAN as a capital of IRAN includes lots of choices for students. After graduated from them, there are many chances for students to get a good job. The large number of students after graduation stays there and never gets back to their small towns (108 words).
As compare, small town has good air quality. You can see lots of trees and plants everywhere. Because of the distance between two places are short, all the time people prefer to use bicycle and by walking for transportation. Also there is no big factory and people more work in the farmlands. This means that air pollution in this town is lower. For instance fasa as a small town in my country has no factory. So you can’t see any smoke or air pollution in this city. Also the population of this city is lower and then people consume less material to make bad smell (105 words)
The government constructed famous دقت کنید نیازی به استفاده از زمان گذشته ساده نیست چون درباره حقایق کلی داریم صحبت میکنیم پس زمان حال ساده باید استفاده بشه.
facilities in big cities than small towns. این مورد اگر دلیل ما هست باید با توضیحات پستیبانی بشه نه با مثال. سمپل رو دقیق ببینید.
TEHRAN فقط حرف اول باید بزرگ بشه
As compare مواردی که در کلاس اشاره کردیم غلط هست رو دوباره ارسال نکنید. تک تک ساختارها رو اول چک کنید و بعد بفرستید. از خودتون هیچ ساختاری نباید نوشته بشه که بدون منبع باشه.
لحن رایتینگ رو هم باید رسمی تر کنید. You can see مناسب نیست.
این موارد رو با دقت زیاد در نظر داشته باشید و برای رایتینگ بعدی برطرف کنید.
ali shamsipoor
Finding job in big cities is easier compared to small cities. Investors inject money to big cities mainly that cause manufactures and companies to be active and hire more employees so that unemployment rate are less than small cities. Even unemployed people emigrate to big cities to find job. For instance, in Tehran that is capital of Iran the population of people in days are almost twice than nights. The main reason for this difference is working people outside of Tehran in this city. The employment parameter is effective in people’s life specially for suburban residents that are more poverty. (100 words)
In other hands, living in small cities makes people healthier because air and water pollution is less than big cities. Also, street traffic is not noticeable and people use junk foods less than big cities. Although facilities are rare, but people that looks to have healthy life style prefer to live in small cities. As an example, average of people’s long life in small cities and villages are more than Tehran residents. I saw people who retired decide to emirate to small cities to be relax and be away from polluted environment, jam streets and enjoy healthy foods. These items cause they avoid many diseases. (105 words)
این ساختار رو دقت کنید: cause manufactures and companies to be active حتما هر چیزی که مینویسید طبق توضیحی که در کلاس دادیم در دیکشنری چک شده باشه. اینجا ساختار cause…to be active آیا چک شده و وجود داشته؟ اگر خیر اصلا وارد نکنید.
unemployment rate are اینجا ناهماهنگی بین اجزا وجود داره. دقت کنید مفرد هست یا جمع
In other hands, این مورد هم اشتباه هست. دقت کنید گاهی ساختاری شبیه به ساختار درست توی ذهن ما میمونه. مثلا اینجا on the other hand درست هست. این اشتباهات رو هوش مصنوعی به سادگی شناسایی میکنه. قبل از ارسال یک بار بدید چک کنید و به شما بگه. سعی کنید ساختارها درست رو توی یک برگه یادداشت کنید و مرور کنید که براتون جا بیفته.
makes people healthier این ساختار هم درست نیست باید حتما در لانگمن چک کنید.
از نظر فرمت و منطقی بودن توضیحات کار به خوبی انجام شده و بزرگترین مشکل همون ساختارهای بی معنی و چک نشده هست که گاهی به کار رفته. برای رایتینگ بعدی با دقت تک تک ساختارها رو چک کنید
Most people prefer to live in big cities because there are more opportunities to financial improvement and self-development. Generally, most investments by the government occur in the big cities, and the likelihood of financial growth and personal startups is greater in big cities. Therefore, due to the job opportunities and available facilities like as educational institutions and healthcare services, people decide to live in the big cities. For example, in my country, Tehran is the capital and the biggest city. It has more companies and private offices, providing a wide range of job opportunities for various types of people, so people prefer to live there because of these options. (109W)
On the other hand, small towns are less polluted and have cleaner and fresher air quality. There are fewer factories that produce smoke. The distance between places is shorter, so people can walk or use a bicycle instead of using car. Consequently, the air quality is better. For example, in my country, there are more farms around small towns, making fresh vegetables, rice, fruits, and meat more accessible to everyone living nearby. Due to greater mobility options available in small towns, access to fresh foods and the opportunity to enjoy natural areas, the rates of mental and physical health in small towns are higher than those in big cities. (109W)
opportunities to financial improvement حرف اضافه رو دقت بفرمایید باید باشه opportunities for
investments by the government occur در این مورد هم باید حتما در لانگمن چک کنید که آیا برای investment فعل occur درست هست یا خیر. به هیچ عنوان بدون چک کردن در رایتینگ وارد نکنید. ضمنا در آخر با هوش مصنوعی از نظر درست بودن ساختارها جک کنید و ساختارهای درست رو یادداشت کنید که حفظ کنید برای رایتینگ های بعدی.
بقیه موارد خوب هست فقط به اصل چک کردن ساختارها و بررسی با هوش مصنوعی پیش از ارسال خیلی دقت بفرمایید. مهم ترین بخش ساختار کلی رایتینگ هست که خوشبختانه خیلی خوب نوشته شده