IELTS Band 9 Essay About The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies
Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 200 band 9 IELTS samples released in March 2025.
Sample Essay (Band 9)
The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In the digital age, the proliferation of personal data held by large internet corporations and organisations has sparked intense debate. While some argue that this ubiquitous data collection enhances convenience and security, others contend that it poses significant threats to privacy and autonomy. This essay will argue that despite certain benefits, the disadvantages of mass data storage far outweigh its advantages.
One of the primary benefits of organisations storing personal data is the streamlining of services. With access to user preferences and behaviour patterns, companies can tailor experiences to individual needs, thereby enhancing efficiency. For instance, e-commerce platforms use past purchases to curate personalised recommendations, saving consumers time and effort. Similarly, financial institutions use stored data to detect fraudulent activities, thereby fortifying security. Moreover, governments leverage extensive databases to optimise public services, such as healthcare and crime prevention, ensuring a more cohesive and effective society.
However, the drawbacks of such widespread data collection are far more profound. Firstly, privacy breaches have become alarmingly frequent, with cybercriminals exploiting vulnerabilities in data storage systems. High-profile incidents, such as the hacking of multinational corporations, have led to the compromise of millions of individuals’ personal details. Additionally, the exploitation of personal data for commercial and political purposes raises ethical concerns. Social media companies, for example, have been accused of manipulating user data for targeted advertising and political influence, thereby undermining democratic processes.
Furthermore, the centralisation of vast amounts of personal information in the hands of a few corporations engenders an imbalance of power. Individuals lose control over their own data, often without fully comprehending how it is used. This lack of transparency fosters distrust and diminishes users’ autonomy. In extreme cases, authoritarian regimes have weaponised personal data to suppress dissent and enforce mass surveillance, threatening fundamental human rights.
In conclusion, while the storage of personal data facilitates service efficiency and security, the risks associated with privacy breaches, unethical data usage, and power imbalances are paramount. Given the far-reaching implications of data misuse, stringent regulations must be imposed to safeguard individuals’ rights. Thus, the disadvantages of personal data retention indubitably surpass its advantages.
Five Academic Words in the sample for The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies
Proliferation (/prəˌlɪfəˈreɪʃən/)
The proliferation of digital surveillance has raised serious ethical concerns.
Fortifying (/ˈfɔːrtɪfaɪɪŋ/)
The company invested heavily in fortifying its cybersecurity infrastructure to prevent data breaches.
Cohesive (/koʊˈhiːsɪv/)
A cohesive society relies on mutual trust and respect among its citizens.
Engender (/ɪnˈdʒɛndər/)
Unchecked corporate surveillance can engender widespread public distrust.
Indubitably (/ɪnˈduːbɪtəbli/)
The impact of artificial intelligence on the job market is indubitably significant.
Five Advanced Grammatical Structures and Their Impact
Complex Sentences with Subordinate Clauses
“While some argue that this ubiquitous data collection enhances convenience and security, others contend that it poses significant threats to privacy and autonomy.”
This structure adds depth to the argument by presenting contrasting viewpoints within a single sentence.
Passive Voice for Formality
“High-profile incidents, such as the hacking of multinational corporations, have led to the compromise of millions of individuals’ personal details.”
The passive construction maintains an objective tone, which is essential in academic writing.
Cleft Sentence for Emphasis
“It is the exploitation of personal data for commercial and political purposes that raises ethical concerns.”
This structure highlights the central issue in a more emphatic way.
Relative Clauses for Cohesion
“Individuals lose control over their own data, often without fully comprehending how it is used.”
Relative clauses ensure smooth transitions and provide additional information concisely.
Modal Verbs for Academic Hedging
“Stringent regulations must be imposed to safeguard individuals’ rights.”
The use of “must” conveys a strong recommendation, which enhances the persuasiveness of the argument.
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