IELTS Band 9 Essay About Obesity was once considered a disease of adults
Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “Obesity was once considered a disease of adults”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 100 band 9 IELTS samples released in April 2025.
Sample Essay (Band 9)
Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children.
Why do you think this is happening?
What can be done to help children stay healthy?
Obesity was once predominantly associated with adults, but in recent years, it has become increasingly prevalent among children. This alarming trend can be attributed to several interrelated factors, and addressing it requires comprehensive strategies involving both individuals and broader societal efforts.
One major reason behind the rise in childhood obesity is the sedentary lifestyle that many children now lead. Unlike previous generations, today’s youth spend a significant portion of their time engaging in screen-based activities such as video games, television, and social media. This not only limits physical activity but also promotes unhealthy snacking habits. Additionally, the proliferation of fast food and processed snacks, often high in sugar and fat, has made it easier and cheaper for families to opt for convenience over nutrition. These dietary patterns, combined with insufficient physical exercise, have greatly contributed to the increase in childhood obesity.
To combat this growing issue, a multifaceted approach is essential. Schools should play a more proactive role in promoting healthy lifestyles through compulsory physical education and by ensuring that nutritious meals are provided in school cafeterias. Parents must also be educated about the importance of a balanced diet and the long-term consequences of unhealthy eating habits. Moreover, governments can implement policies such as taxing sugary beverages, restricting junk food advertising aimed at children, and providing subsidies for fruits and vegetables to make healthy food more accessible.
Equally important is fostering a cultural shift that values physical activity and healthy living. Community initiatives, like public exercise programs and accessible sports facilities, can encourage children to be more active. By instilling these values early in life, we can create a generation that prioritizes health and well-being.
In conclusion, the rising rates of childhood obesity are driven by a combination of lifestyle choices and environmental factors. Only through collaborative efforts involving schools, families, and policymakers can we effectively address this issue and help children lead healthier, more active lives.
Five Academic words in the sample for Obesity was once considered a disease of adults
Prevalent /ˈprev.əl.ənt/
Sentence: This outdated practice is still prevalent in many rural communities.Interrelated /ˌɪn.tə.rɪˈleɪ.tɪd/
Sentence: The economy and education are deeply interrelated sectors in any society.Sedentary /ˈsed.ən.tər.i/
Sentence: A sedentary lifestyle increases the risk of several health conditions.Proliferation /prəˌlɪf.əˈreɪ.ʃən/
Sentence: The proliferation of smartphones has transformed how people communicate.Multifaceted /ˌmʌl.tiˈfæs.ɪ.tɪd/
Sentence: Climate change is a multifaceted issue that requires complex solutions.
Five Advanced Grammar Structures in the Essay
Cleft Sentence
“One major reason behind the rise in childhood obesity is the sedentary lifestyle that many children now lead.”
➤ This structure puts emphasis on a specific cause, highlighting it for the reader. Emphatic constructions help convey key points more clearly and powerfully.Complex Sentences with Subordination
“Unlike previous generations, today’s youth spend a significant portion of their time engaging in screen-based activities…”
➤ Subordination adds variety and shows control over complex sentence structures, essential for a Band 9 score.Relative Clauses
“Community initiatives, like public exercise programs and accessible sports facilities, can encourage children to be more active.”
➤ These clauses add extra detail and clarity, contributing to cohesion and coherence.Use of Modal Verbs for Suggestion and Obligation
“Schools should play a more proactive role…” / “Parents must be educated…”*
➤ Modal verbs express necessity and recommendations effectively, showing control over tone and function.Passive Voice for Formal Tone
“Only through collaborative efforts can the issue be addressed…”
➤ The passive voice adds formality and is appropriate for academic writing, demonstrating advanced grammatical awareness.
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