IELTS Band 9 Essay About Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation
Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 200 band 9 IELTS samples released in 2025.
Sample Essay (Band 9)
Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance.
Discuss both views and provide your opinion.
Success is a multifaceted concept influenced by various determinants. Some argue that perseverance, commitment, and self-motivation are the key drivers of success, while others emphasize the role of financial stability and physical attractiveness. This essay will discuss both perspectives and argue that although external factors can contribute to success, intrinsic qualities play a more decisive role.
On the one hand, hard work and dedication are widely regarded as fundamental elements of success. Individuals who exhibit a strong work ethic tend to achieve their goals regardless of their socioeconomic background. For instance, entrepreneurs such as Elon Musk and Steve Jobs, despite facing numerous setbacks, displayed unwavering commitment to their vision, ultimately reshaping industries. Their achievements underscore the idea that determination and intrinsic motivation can supersede financial constraints. Furthermore, research indicates that individuals with a growth mindset are more likely to develop resilience and achieve long-term success, reinforcing the notion that effort is paramount.
On the other hand, some contend that wealth and appearance significantly influence one’s opportunities. Financial resources provide access to quality education, business investments, and influential networks, all of which can facilitate career advancement. Additionally, in industries such as entertainment and fashion, physical attractiveness can enhance one’s prospects, as social biases often favor aesthetically appealing individuals. For example, studies have shown that people perceived as attractive are more likely to secure job opportunities and higher salaries. While these factors can provide an initial advantage, they do not guarantee sustained success without competence and diligence.
In my opinion, although external attributes can open doors, success ultimately hinges on personal effort and mindset. Wealth can create opportunities, but without discipline and vision, it may lead to complacency rather than achievement. Likewise, appearance may provide short-term benefits, but it is competence and perseverance that sustain success over time. Therefore, while external factors may play a role, intrinsic qualities remain the most pivotal drivers of genuine and lasting success.
5 Academic Words in the sample for Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation
Determinants (/dɪˈtɜː.mɪ.nənts/)
- Sentence: Education and social environment are key determinants of an individual’s career trajectory.
Perseverance (/ˌpɜː.sɪˈvɪə.rəns/)
- Sentence: His perseverance in the face of repeated failures ultimately led to his breakthrough.
Fundamental (/ˌfʌn.dəˈmen.təl/)
- Sentence: Critical thinking is a fundamental skill necessary for academic success.
Supersede (/ˌsuː.pəˈsiːd/)
- Sentence: The latest technology will inevitably supersede outdated methods.
Pivotal (/ˈpɪv.ə.təl/)
- Sentence: The CEO’s decision to expand internationally was a pivotal moment for the company.
5 Advanced Grammar Structures and How They Enhance the Essay
Complex Sentences with Subordinate Clauses
- Example: “Although external factors can contribute to success, intrinsic qualities play a more decisive role.”
- Impact: This structure enhances coherence and cohesion, demonstrating an advanced level of grammatical range.
Relative Clauses
- Example: “Financial resources provide access to quality education, business investments, and influential networks, all of which can facilitate career advancement.”
- Impact: The use of relative clauses allows for richer sentence construction and more fluid expression of ideas.
Passive Voice
- Example: “People perceived as attractive are more likely to secure job opportunities and higher salaries.”
- Impact: Passive voice is effectively used to emphasize the subject of the sentence rather than the agent, creating a more formal and academic tone.
Parallel Structure
- Example: “Wealth can create opportunities, but without discipline and vision, it may lead to complacency rather than achievement.”
- Impact: Parallelism improves readability and reinforces contrasting ideas in a clear and elegant way.
Conditional Sentences
- Example: “While these factors can provide an initial advantage, they do not guarantee sustained success without competence and diligence.”
- Impact: Conditional structures help articulate hypothetical situations effectively, adding depth to the argument.
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