IELTS Band 9 Essay About In recent years, there has been growing interest in relationship between equality
Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “In recent years, there has been growing interest in relationship between equality and personal achievements”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 200 band 9 IELTS samples released in 2025.
Sample Essay (Band 9)
In recent years, there has been growing interest in relationship between equality and personal achievements. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high level of personal achievements are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
The relationship between equality and personal achievement has been a subject of intense debate. Some argue that egalitarian societies foster a fair environment where everyone has an equal opportunity to succeed. Others contend that allowing individuals to thrive based on their merit leads to greater innovation and economic prosperity. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view.
On the one hand, supporters of equality-oriented societies argue that providing equal access to education, healthcare, and employment opportunities creates a level playing field for all individuals. In such societies, people from disadvantaged backgrounds are given the necessary support to excel, thereby reducing social disparities. Furthermore, studies indicate that countries with strong social welfare systems, such as Sweden and Norway, exhibit high levels of productivity and well-being. When individuals are not constrained by economic hardship, they can fully concentrate on their ambitions, leading to a more harmonious and progressive society.
On the other hand, proponents of a meritocratic system argue that competition drives innovation and excellence. In societies where success is determined by individual effort, people are motivated to work harder, resulting in groundbreaking discoveries and entrepreneurial success. The United States, for example, has produced some of the world’s most influential entrepreneurs, largely due to its emphasis on self-reliance and ambition. Critics of egalitarianism claim that when success is redistributed, individuals lose motivation to strive for excellence, leading to economic stagnation and inefficiency.
In my opinion, while ensuring basic rights and opportunities for all is essential, excessive government intervention may stifle innovation. A balanced approach—where essential services such as education and healthcare are accessible to all, yet personal ambition is still rewarded—is the ideal solution. This ensures that talent and hard work are recognized while maintaining social cohesion.
In conclusion, while egalitarian systems promote fairness and social stability, societies that encourage personal ambition and competition often experience higher levels of progress. Therefore, a hybrid model that incorporates both equity and meritocracy is the most sustainable path forward.
5 Academic Words in the sample for In recent years, there has been growing interest in relationship between equality and personal achievements
Egalitarian /ɪˌɡælɪˈtɛəriən/
Example: An egalitarian society ensures that all individuals, regardless of their background, have equal access to opportunities.Meritocratic /ˌmɛrɪtəˈkrætɪk/
Example: A meritocratic system rewards individuals based on their skills and contributions rather than their social status.Disparities /dɪˈspærɪtiz/
Example: Governments should implement policies to reduce economic disparities between different social groups.Redistributed /ˌriːdɪˈstrɪbjuːtɪd/
Example: Wealth should not be excessively redistributed, as it may discourage individuals from striving for personal success.Cohesion /kəʊˈhiːʒən/
Example: Social cohesion is essential for maintaining harmony and cooperation within a diverse society.
5 Advanced Grammar Structures and How They Enhance the Essay
Complex Sentences with Subordinate Clauses
- Example: “When individuals are not constrained by economic hardship, they can fully concentrate on their ambitions, leading to a more harmonious and progressive society.”
- Why it helps: Shows ability to express ideas with sophistication and logical relationships between clauses.
Passive Voice
- Example: “Wealth should not be excessively redistributed, as it may discourage individuals from striving for personal success.”
- Why it helps: Enhances formality and objectivity, which are essential for academic writing.
Cleft Sentences for Emphasis
- Example: “It is a balanced approach that ensures both talent and hard work are recognized while maintaining social cohesion.”
- Why it helps: Adds emphasis and clarity to key arguments, making the writing more persuasive.
Relative Clauses
- Example: “Countries with strong social welfare systems, such as Sweden and Norway, exhibit high levels of productivity and well-being.”
- Why it helps: Adds precision and depth to the argument by providing extra information without creating separate sentences.
Conditional Sentences
- Example: “If success is redistributed, individuals may lose motivation to strive for excellence, leading to economic stagnation.”
- Why it helps: Demonstrates an ability to discuss hypothetical situations and their consequences, which is crucial in a high-scoring essay.
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