IELTS Band 9 Essay About Some people think society could benefit more if more people
Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “Some people think society could benefit more if more people”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 200 band 9 IELTS samples released in 2025.
Sample Essay with Answer (Band 9)
Some people think society could benefit more if more people study business than history.
To what extent do you agree or disagree？
In contemporary society, the significance of different academic disciplines is often debated. Some argue that prioritizing business studies over history would be more advantageous for societal progress, as it directly contributes to economic growth and innovation. However, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint, as history plays an equally crucial role in shaping informed citizens, preserving cultural heritage, and preventing past mistakes from being repeated.
Undoubtedly, business studies offer tangible benefits to individuals and society. A strong understanding of entrepreneurship, finance, and management equips individuals with the skills necessary to drive economic prosperity. For instance, countries with a high proportion of business graduates often experience greater economic dynamism, as these individuals establish enterprises, create employment opportunities, and contribute to technological advancements. Moreover, business education fosters a mindset of innovation, allowing societies to remain competitive in an increasingly globalized economy.
However, disregarding history in favor of business studies would be detrimental to societal well-being. First and foremost, history provides invaluable lessons about human behavior, governance, and conflict resolution. Without knowledge of historical events, societies risk repeating past mistakes, as seen in cases where economic mismanagement or political extremism resurfaces due to ignorance of historical precedents. Additionally, history fosters critical thinking and a deeper appreciation of cultural diversity. Understanding historical narratives allows individuals to develop a sense of identity and national cohesion, which is essential for social stability.
Furthermore, a well-functioning society requires a balanced distribution of expertise across multiple fields. While business graduates drive economic growth, historians contribute to policymaking, diplomacy, and education—areas that are equally indispensable. A society dominated by business professionals may prioritize profit over ethical considerations, whereas historical awareness promotes social responsibility and ethical decision-making.
In conclusion, while business studies undeniably contribute to economic progress, dismissing the importance of history would be a shortsighted approach. A truly prosperous society relies on a harmonious blend of disciplines, where both business and history play complementary roles in fostering a well-rounded and informed citizenry. Therefore, rather than advocating for one discipline over the other, it is imperative to recognize their interdependence in shaping a balanced and progressive society.
Academic Vocabulary in the sample for Some people think society could benefit more if more people
- Significance (/sɪɡˈnɪf.ɪ.kəns/)
- The significance of climate change is often underestimated despite its far-reaching consequences.
- Tangible (/ˈtæn.dʒə.bəl/)
- The company offered tangible benefits, such as higher salaries and flexible working hours, to attract skilled employees.
- Detrimental (/ˌdet.rɪˈmen.təl/)
- Excessive social media use can have a detrimental impact on mental health.
- Appreciation (/əˌpriː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/)
- Studying literature helps develop a deeper appreciation of different cultures and perspectives.
- Interdependence (/ˌɪn.tə.dɪˈpen.dəns/)
- The interdependence of global markets means that a financial crisis in one country can affect economies worldwide.
Advanced Grammar Structures Used
- Complex Sentences with “While”
- “While business studies undeniably contribute to economic progress, dismissing the importance of history would be a shortsighted approach.”
- This structure contrasts two ideas effectively, showing a balanced argument.
- Relative Clauses
- “A society dominated by business professionals may prioritize profit over ethical considerations, whereas historical awareness promotes social responsibility.”
- Using a relative clause makes the sentence more precise and informative.
- Passive Voice for Objectivity
- “Without knowledge of historical events, societies risk repeating past mistakes, as seen in cases where economic mismanagement or political extremism resurfaces.”
- The passive construction keeps the focus on the action rather than the subject.
- Conditional Sentences
- “If history were disregarded, societies might lack critical thinking and cultural awareness.”
- Using conditionals makes hypothetical scenarios clearer and more persuasive.
- Cohesive Devices for Logical Flow
- “Furthermore, a well-functioning society requires a balanced distribution of expertise across multiple fields.”
- Transitional phrases like “Furthermore,” “However,” and “In conclusion” improve readability and coherence.
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