IELTS Band 9 Essay About children are becoming overweight and unhealthy

Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “In many countries children are becoming overweight and unhealthy”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 150 band 9 IELTS sample released in 2024.

Short about in many countries children are becoming overweight and unhealthy

The issue of childhood obesity and poor health is increasingly becoming a global concern, with many attributing this trend to societal and governmental factors. While some believe that parents and schools are primarily responsible for promoting healthier lifestyles among children, others argue that the government must take proactive measures to address this crisis. This debate raises questions about policy interventions, such as regulating food industries, implementing public health campaigns, and integrating nutrition education into school curriculums. By analyzing the root causes of this phenomenon, one can evaluate whether the government’s involvement is a feasible and effective solution to combating childhood obesity.

Sample Answer

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Childhood obesity and poor health have become pressing concerns in numerous countries, raising debates about governmental accountability in addressing this issue. I strongly agree that the government plays a critical role in mitigating these problems, although other stakeholders, such as parents and schools, also share responsibility.

One major factor contributing to this crisis is the widespread availability of highly-processed and calorie-dense foods. Governments can implement stringent regulations to limit the marketing of such products, particularly those targeting children. For instance, banning advertisements for sugary snacks during children’s programming could significantly reduce their consumption. Moreover, fiscal policies such as imposing taxes on junk food and sugary drinks have proven effective in several countries, as they both discourage unhealthy consumption patterns and generate revenue for public health initiatives.

In addition to food regulation, governments should invest in educational campaigns to promote nutritional literacy among families. Many parents lack awareness about balanced diets, leading to unhealthy eating habits at home. By integrating health education into school curricula, children can develop a lifelong understanding of proper nutrition and the importance of physical activity.

Urban planning also plays a pivotal role in combating childhood obesity. Governments should prioritize creating recreational facilities and safe parks where children can engage in physical activities. In many urban areas, the lack of such spaces forces children into sedentary lifestyles dominated by screen time.

However, government action alone is insufficient. Parents must encourage healthier habits by setting examples at home, while schools should provide balanced meals and physical education programs. Collaboration among all stakeholders ensures a comprehensive approach to tackling this multifaceted issue.

In conclusion, while families and educational institutions are crucial in addressing childhood obesity, the government bears the ultimate responsibility due to its capacity to enforce policies, allocate resources, and influence societal behaviors. Through regulatory measures, public awareness campaigns, and infrastructure development, governments can significantly reduce childhood obesity rates and improve public health outcomes.

Vocabulary in the sample for in many countries children are becoming overweight and unhealthy

1. Governmental accountability /ˌɡʌvərnˈmɛntəl əˌkaʊntəˈbɪləti/
   • Sentence: “The company must improve its operations to align with governmental accountability standards.”
2. Highly-processed /ˈhaɪli ˈprɑːsɛst/
   • Sentence: “Highly-processed foods often lack essential nutrients while being rich in calories.”
3. Nutritional literacy /nuːˈtrɪʃənl ˈlɪtərəsi/
   • Sentence: “Nutritional literacy helps individuals make informed choices about their diet.”
4. Recreational facilities /ˌrɛkriˈeɪʃənəl fəˈsɪlɪtiz/
   • Sentence: “The city council allocated funds for new recreational facilities in underserved areas.”
5. Comprehensive approach /ˌkɑːmprɪˈhɛnsɪv əˈproʊtʃ/
   • Sentence: “A comprehensive approach is needed to address climate change effectively.”

Advanced Grammar Structures

1. Complex Sentences with Subordination
   • Example: “While families and educational institutions are crucial in addressing childhood obesity, the government bears the ultimate responsibility.”
   • Impact: Demonstrates the writer’s ability to compare and contrast ideas effectively, enhancing coherence and complexity.
2. Use of Passive Voice
   • Example: “Governments should prioritize creating recreational facilities where children can engage in physical activities.”
   • Impact: Highlights objectivity by focusing on actions and outcomes rather than individuals.
3. Conditional Sentences
   • Example: “If governments regulate food marketing more strictly, childhood obesity rates could decrease.”
   • Impact: Shows the ability to discuss hypothetical scenarios, showcasing a range of grammatical forms.
4. Use of Modal Verbs
   • Example: “Governments can implement stringent regulations to limit the marketing of such products.”
   • Impact: Reflects flexibility in tone, allowing for recommendations and emphasis.
5. Parallel Structures
   • Example: “Parents must encourage healthier habits by setting examples at home, while schools should provide balanced meals and physical education programs.”
   • Impact: Improves readability and flow by presenting ideas in a rhythmically consistent manner.

Writing Format and Band 9 Features

1. Clear Introduction and Thesis
   • The introduction defines the issue and establishes the writer’s stance clearly.
2. Logical Structure with Cohesion
   • Ideas are presented in a logical sequence with appropriate linking words (e.g., Moreover, In addition, However).
3. Balanced Argumentation
   • Both sides of the issue are considered, showing critical thinking.
4. Precise Academic Vocabulary
   • Words like stringent regulations and fiscal policies demonstrate lexical resource.
5. Error-Free Grammar and Syntax
   • The essay employs varied sentence structures and avoids grammatical mistakes.

This well-organized essay, with its nuanced arguments, advanced grammar, and appropriate vocabulary, aligns with the criteria for a Band 9 score.

Free IELTS Sample Essays with Answers PDF

Here you can download over a 1000 sample essays in pdf written by ex ielts examiners: PDF 1 / PDF 2 / PDF 3 / PDF 4 / PDF 5

Last But Not Least!

we suggest a useful IELTS website in English for more valuable IELTS sample essays on a range of topics. Our final suggestion is our writing free correction Telegram channel where you can send your own sample for evaluation and correction by an experience IELTS tutor with over a decade of practical experience in this matter.