IELTS Band 9 Essay About people spending large amounts of money on their appearance
Here we take a look at a band 9 ielts writing task 2 sample about “people spending large amounts of money on their appearance”. This sample then will be further analyzed for its vocabulary, grammar and format, so we see how it has qualified for such band score. We also suggest over 100 band 9 IELTS sample released in 2024.
Introduction to people spending large amounts of money on their appearance
The desire to maintain a youthful appearance has driven many individuals to invest heavily in cosmetic procedures, skincare products, and other beauty enhancements. This trend is fueled by societal pressures, media influence, and the perception that youth equates to vitality and success. While some view this phenomenon as an expression of self-care, others criticize it as a reflection of superficial values. The debate over whether this shift is beneficial or detrimental continues to gain prominence. Understanding the motivations behind this pursuit and its broader implications is essential to evaluate its impact on individuals and society as a whole.
Band 9 Sample Essay
More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their appearance in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The growing tendency of individuals to spend substantial amounts of money on their appearance to look younger is a striking trend in today’s society. This phenomenon stems from several factors, including societal pressures, the media’s emphasis on youthfulness, and personal aspirations to boost self-esteem. While some argue that this development promotes self-care and confidence, others view it as a troubling reflection of materialism and superficiality.
One key reason for this trend is the pervasive societal emphasis on youth as a symbol of vitality and success. Many industries, particularly entertainment and advertising, glorify youthful looks, fostering the belief that aging diminishes one’s value. Consequently, individuals often feel compelled to conform to these standards to maintain relevance in both personal and professional spheres. For example, older professionals may perceive looking younger as an advantage in a competitive job market.
Additionally, psychological factors play a significant role in this behavior. For many, maintaining a youthful appearance serves as a source of confidence and self-assurance. Investing in cosmetic procedures or high-end skincare products allows individuals to align their external appearance with how they feel internally, fostering a sense of harmony and self-worth.
Despite these perceived benefits, this obsession with youthfulness has its drawbacks. Excessive spending on cosmetic enhancements can exacerbate financial stress, particularly for those who prioritize appearance over essential needs. Moreover, it perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards, leading to widespread dissatisfaction and potentially harmful practices. A society overly fixated on aesthetics may overlook more meaningful attributes, such as experience, wisdom, and character.
In conclusion, the desire to appear younger is driven by societal norms and personal aspirations, with both positive and negative implications. While this trend can enhance individual confidence and well-being, it also raises concerns about financial strain and the perpetuation of superficial values. Striking a balance between self-care and embracing natural aging is essential for fostering a healthier societal outlook on beauty and aging.
Academic Words in the sample of people spending large amounts of money on their appearance
- Societal /səˈsaɪ.ɪ.təl/
Sentence: Societal expectations often dictate how individuals perceive their self-worth. - Pervasive /pəˈveɪ.sɪv/
Sentence: The pervasive influence of media shapes beauty standards globally. - Psychological /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɒdʒ.ɪ.kəl/
Sentence: Psychological studies reveal a strong correlation between appearance and self-esteem. - Dissatisfaction /ˌdɪs.sæt.ɪsˈfæk.ʃən/
Sentence: Persistent dissatisfaction with one’s looks can lead to mental health issues. - Harmony /ˈhɑː.mə.ni/
Sentence: Finding harmony between inner feelings and outward appearance is vital for confidence.
Advanced Grammar Structures (5 Examples)
- Complex Sentences with Subordinate Clauses
Example: “While some argue that this development promotes self-care and confidence, others view it as a troubling reflection of materialism and superficiality.”- Contribution: Demonstrates nuanced arguments, connecting contrasting ideas fluently.
- Passive Voice
Example: “Youth is glorified by many industries, particularly entertainment and advertising.”- Contribution: Enhances formality and shifts focus to societal trends rather than agents.
- Parallel Structures
Example: “It perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards, leading to widespread dissatisfaction and potentially harmful practices.”- Contribution: Improves readability and adds rhythm to arguments.
- Nominalization
Example: “The growing tendency of individuals to spend substantial amounts of money on their appearance is a striking trend in today’s society.”- Contribution: Formalizes the tone and focuses on abstract ideas.
- Conditional Sentences
Example: “If society remains fixated on superficial values, deeper attributes such as wisdom and character may be undervalued.”- Contribution: Introduces hypothetical scenarios, enhancing analytical depth.
Writing Format and Features for Band 9
- Clear Structure: The essay adheres to a four-paragraph format, including an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic.
- Balanced Argumentation: Both the positive and negative implications of the trend are explored comprehensively, showcasing critical thinking.
- Formal Academic Tone: The essay employs precise language, advanced vocabulary, and a formal tone appropriate for IELTS Writing Task 2.
- Coherence and Cohesion: Logical progression of ideas is ensured through linking words and cohesive devices like “Additionally,” “Despite these perceived benefits,” and “In conclusion.”
- Examples and Evidence: The use of specific examples, such as the role of the media and workplace dynamics, adds credibility and depth to the analysis.
By adhering to these elements, the essay exemplifies the qualities required for a Band 9 response.
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